Beneath It All (Beneath #1) Read online

  My hands desperately found the front of his shirt, and I felt the sudden urge to attack. I clutched the front of his shirt and frantically started working the buttons open and practically tore the shirt off him when they were all undone. I looked up at Noah and watched his eyes turn dark with hunger as his hands cupped the back of my head and pulled me into a hard and impassioned kiss.

  The urgency of his mouth on mine was bruising, and it only fed the fire within me. When he broke away from the kiss and stood back so I could see him, he was naked and fully erect.

  “I’ve missed you,” I said as my eyes traveled down his body. I couldn’t help but run my hands over every dip and plane along the way. He stood silently, watching me.

  He knew that I needed this time to get lost in him, and he wasn’t about to stop me. I slowly ran my tongue down the outside of his throat and kissed along his collar bone before reaching his nipples. I lightly licked and sucked in air against one of them and felt it pucker beneath my lips. Noah inhaled sharply, and I could feel myself already throbbing between my legs. “Don’t stop, Victoria.”

  I continued traveling down his body, taking extra time to admire each square inch of muscle on his abdomen before running my tongue down along the right side of his “V,” which again earned me another sudden intake of breath, followed by a deep groan. I ran my hands along his hips down to his cock and felt it twitch in anticipation as my mouth kissed its way down his happy trail.

  “Fuck, Victoria,” Noah moaned as his hips jerked forward. “You’re driving me fucking insane here. I want to touch you right now, but know this is about what you want. Please, tell me you want me to touch you. Please . . .” I heard the desperation in his voice.

  “I want to lick and touch you. Your body is perfection and needs to be appreciated completely,” I said as I thought to myself how mine was anything but. I closed my eyes as tears attempted to invade them. “Noah, I want to feel your perfection against me. I want to feel your perfection in me. I want to be destroyed by you.”

  “Victoria.” He gripped me under my arms and lifted me up off the floor. “Open your eyes. Let me see you,” he pleaded.

  Opening my eyes, I expected to see pity, but I didn’t. What I saw was indescribable. It was love, lust, compassion, fear, and anger. What a fucked up combination this is, I thought when I realized I had the same look on my face. We were in this together. Feeling this together. Coupled.

  He nibbled at my lips as he rubbed his cock up against my tummy. His tongue dipped into my mouth as our kiss intensified. It was all of our emotions bleeding out in this moment together. It was heaven and it was hell. It was love and passion. It was anger and fear. It was what we both needed.

  My hand grabbed his cock, and I enjoyed the feeling of him in my hand. I felt his velvety strength as he flexed his hips into my hand and I tightened it around him. His left hand came up and started massaging my right breast as he broke our kiss and sucked on my nipple. It quickly stiffened under his tongue and ached for more as my back arched, pushing it further into his mouth.

  “Victoria, I don’t want to do this in here,” he mumbled against my breast and then blew softly on my strained nipple. I nodded my head and let go of his cock as he lifted me up in his arms and carried me into our bedroom.

  I climbed up on the bed and he followed right behind me, cradling his body between my legs. With a flex of his hips, he leaned down and kissed me while he was propped up on his right elbow and continued to play with my right nipple. “Noah, please,” I said as I pushed my hips up toward him. “I need to feel you inside. I need you to make me forget everything but you and me and I need it right now.”

  He heard my desperation and wrapped my legs around him as the head of his cock started teasing me. He continued his torture as he rubbed his cock up along my folds and hit my overly sensitized clit. My back arched. “Noah . . .” I begged as my body was screaming and wanting him to push into me. “I need you to fuck my thoughts away. I need you to help me release my anger and forget the last few weeks. I need—”

  SLAM!

  “Ah shit,” I screamed. “Again.”

  SLAM! Slow draw back . . . SLAM!

  “Is this what you want, Victoria? Do you want me to fuck you hard?”

  SLAM!

  “YES!” I screamed again as my hands grabbed at his ass, trying to push him deeper inside. He lifted my right leg and shifted sideways so that he could get a better angle.

  SLAM! . . . SLAM!

  “OH. MY. GOD!” I shouted as he continued his assault on my body. Like he was punishing it. Taking out his anger on it and taking my anger with it at the same time. It wasn’t romantic or passionate. It was hard and demanding. It was therapeutic in the most fucked-up way possible.

  “Victoria, fuuuuuuuuck . . .” Noah slammed into me one more time and let out a roar. I could feel his warmth fill me as I pulsated around him, feeling my own release.

  “Yes. Oh my god, yes,” I breathed out as my body let go. Noah continued to slowly rock back and forth inside me as I came down from my orgasm. He leaned down and trailed kisses down the right side of my neck to my breast before he slipped out of me and disappeared into the bathroom.

  I laid there collecting my thoughts while Noah cleaned himself up and returned with a warm washcloth to do the same for me. Once we were both cleaned up, he climbed in bed next to me, and we quietly lay there together, sorting through our unspoken thoughts.

  I mulled over what just happened in my head. It started out flirty and passionate and then quickly morphed into hot and frantic. It was quite possibly one of the most intense moments we had ever shared together in bed.

  I was pleased with myself and replayed everything in my head again. It was then that I realized Noah didn’t touch my left breast once. Not once. I didn’t know what to think of it and suddenly my high came crashing down. Did it affect him the way it did me? Could he feel the burn that I felt constantly in my breast when he touched it? Did he look at me as damaged already?

  Noah turned me toward him and smiled. Apparently he wasn’t feeling the same emotions I was, and he looked . . . well . . . for lack of a better term . . . well fucked!

  “Jesus, Victoria, what did you do to me? I don’t think I’ve ever fucked you that hard. Are you okay?”

  I promptly tucked my questioning thoughts away and smiled back at him. “I’m great—that was amazing and exactly what I needed.”

  In all honesty, it was what I needed, but I wasn’t prepared for the feelings I had afterward. Noah popped up out of bed and pulled on his boxers. “Why don’t you stay here and I’ll go heat up our dinner and we’ll eat it naked in bed?”

  “Sure, that would be great.” I smiled as I sat up and watched him walk out of our bedroom.

  I sat naked in our bed with my thoughts waging a war inside my head. Would this be the last time we had sex while I had breasts? Would he look at me like this again or be totally disgusted when my body was disfigured? Would he find me attractive anymore? Would he want me when I was damaged?

  Hot tears started to stream down my checks as a soft sob left my lips. What the hell? This wasn’t me. I was strong. I didn’t cry. I wasn’t going to let this take over my life, and I couldn’t let Noah see how scared I was. Jumping off of the bed, I ran into the bathroom, quickly washed my face and tried my best to cover up the puffy and glassy-eyed look that now was present on my face. I grabbed my face lotion and cover-up and tried to hide the evidence of my mini-meltdown before Noah got back.

  Once I was satisfied with how I looked, I made my way back into our bedroom at the same time Noah appeared with two plates heaped full of pasta, a loaf of bread, and a bottle of wine.

  “Is everything okay?” he questioned, a troubled look on his face. He must have noticed that I had freshened up.

  “Yep, couldn’t be better,” I said cheerfully as I jumped back onto the bed and smiled at Noah. “Shouldn’t you be naked?”

  He didn’t seem to believe me but just smirked and
shook his head at me as he placed the tray on the bed. He then proceeded to slide off his boxers and climb back in bed with me.

  *

  When I woke the next morning, Noah had already left for the office, so I lazed around until it was time to get ready for my girls’ spa day.

  Knock. Knock.

  I opened my front door to find Bobbie Jo standing on the other side, holding a cup of coffee. She shoved it into my hand. “Morning, toots! Are you ready to go?” I couldn’t help the smile on my face.

  Bobbie Jo always knew how to settle my nerves and enjoy life. “Almost—I just need to grab my purse and my outfit for dinner. I’ll be right back.” I ran upstairs to grab the garment bag from my closet and was ready to go. “Let’s do this,” I said as I grabbed my purse and we headed out the door.

  Bobbie Jo was excited to show off her new car, so she offered to drive. We listened to old-school ’90s favorites and found ourselves singing at the top of our lungs, not caring if people were staring at us. I couldn’t help the feeling of being young and carefree again.

  We were giggling as we pulled up in front of the posh PreserveSpa, and I saw Dana and Jen waiting with huge smiles on their faces. I hopped out of the car and was quickly pulled into a mob-like hug before being ushered through the doors into the spa.

  The spa was exquisite. Warm browns and earth-tone accents covered every square inch. The scent of warm exotic oils and the sounds of water trickling and soft music playing instantly relaxed me.

  Bobbie Jo looked at me and the girls. “You guys take a seat, and I’ll go check us in.”

  Jen chimed in, “Shouldn’t we all check in?”

  “Nope,” Bobbie Jo quickly replied. “You’re all here as my guests, and this is my treat.” Putting her hand up to halt any argument, she continued, “We are all here for Victoria. She asked for time with us and the next few months are going to be hard on her and we’ll need to keep her spirits up.” She dug into her handbag, which was the size of a small child, and pulled out a little notecard for everyone. “This is the planning schedule for ‘Victoria’s secret adventures.’ I know you appreciate the title,” she said with a wink. “Each of you will be responsible for planning a girls’ day where we can all forget the world and enjoy each other.”

  She paused a moment to gather her thoughts. “Both of you will have exclusive rights to plan whatever you want on your given day. Stay within your budget; this is NOT a competition—it’s a challenge for each of us to make memorable moments for Victoria. Be creative, be adventurous, and, by all means, be crazy!”

  With that, she turned on her heel and walked to the check-in desk without argument from Jen or Dana. I looked over at my dear friends, who looked dumbfounded by the hurricane known as Bobbie Jo. She had this ability to take over any situation like a drill sergeant, shout out orders and you damn well better listen.

  I sat back and smiled; it was quite refreshing not to be on the receiving end of Bobbie Jo’s orders for once. She was a ballbuster once an idea entered that crazy head of hers, but it was one of my favorite qualities about her. Do it big or not at all!

  The next five hours were spent relaxing, being pampered and enjoying some quality girlfriend time. We laughed and cried together as only friends could. When our spa treatments were done, we were led back to our private changing rooms so we could get ready for the evening.

  When I stepped out fifteen minutes later, I found all of my friends smiling with champagne flutes held up to me.

  “Victoria, you’re a person full of passion, you don’t take life for granted, and you always find the good in the bad. You have been there for each of us when life threw us curveballs, and you have never faltered,” Jen said as she stepped toward me.

  “You supported me through my divorce and taught me to follow my dreams. I wouldn’t be as successful as I am without you,” Bobbie Jo stated as she stepped forward.

  Dana handed me a champagne flute. “You’re up against the biggest battle of all, and we stand here at your side, ready to go to war with you. You will never be alone, and we will always be there to pick you up when you feel like you can’t go on.” She tried to keep it together, but I could hear the emotion in her voice. “You, Victoria, are going to kick cancer’s ass! Cheers!”

  We all lifted our glasses with teary eyes and found our smiles as we realized that this moment would forever be cemented in our memories.

  “Enough with the tears bitches—let’s get this party started,” Bobbie Jo announced after she set her empty glass down.

  *

  The four of us arrived for dinner at Bar Lurcat in downtown Minneapolis. Its understated elegance and floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Loring Park were exquisite. We were led to a table in the bar area close to the windows so we could see all of the lights shimmering in the park.

  Shortly after we sat down, Matthew, our waiter, arrived to take our drink order. Bobbie Jo up and ordered a bottle of Moët & Chandon Rosé champagne. As he turned to go to the bar, I heard Dana let out a breathy whistle and noticed her watching him walk away. “Did you see that fine ass?” she asked.

  Jen and I both let out a laugh, and Bobbie Jo chimed in not so quietly, “I bet you could bounce quarters off of his abs too. Man, he is a fine piece of work and I’d like to ‘work’ that!” We were all laughing when he returned with flutes and a chilled bottle ready to uncork.

  “Shh . . .” I said under my breath and smiled up at Matthew, pretending everything was normal. I knew better.

  He held out the bottle toward Bobbie Jo for her approval. “Is this to your liking?” he asked. Look out . . . he had walked right into that one. I felt sorry for the innocent young man.

  Bobbie Jo perked right up. “Hmm . . . it is, but I have to admit that there is something else that would satisfy my tastes a little better.”

  Matthew flashed her a questioning look. “I’m sorry, miss. Would you prefer a different bottle? Perhaps a Veuve Clicquot Rosé?”

  Bobbie Jo ran her tongue along her lips before gently biting down on her bottom lip, making Matthew blush. “No, the bottle of champagne is perfect. However, I wouldn’t mind a little taste of you for dessert.” And there you have it. The look on Matthew’s face was quite priceless; he was at a complete loss as to what to say.

  Jen chimed in, “You’ll have to excuse our friend.” She glared at Bobbie Jo. “She seems to have lost her filter somewhere between the elevator and this table. I hope you weren’t offended by her comment.”

  Matthew timidly cleared his throat and smirked. “No, not at all. A table full of beautiful women is always a pleasure—and an adventure—to serve. I’ll admit that you’re the first ever to be so direct, and it caught me off guard. So, bravo on that one.” He winked at Bobbie Jo and worked on removing the cork from the champagne bottle with a pop. He filled our flutes before excusing himself.

  “To my crazy-ass friends,” I declared lifting my glass.

  “To crazy-ass friends,” they all agreed as we clinked our glasses.

  Dinner was amazing, and Matthew was such a good sport through it all. We learned that he was in his senior year of college and would be attending medical school next fall. He was working as much as he could now to save since he would be spending a lot more time studying in the coming years.

  Bobbie Jo made sure to tip him extra well, and I noticed that she wrote a little note on her business card and slipped it into the black leather folder after she paid our bill.

  Busted! She looked up at me with innocent eyes. “What?”

  I just shook my head and giggled. “Some things never change.”

  “Never . . . and you can’t tell me that you would want it any other way.” She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and looped her arm into mine as we left.

  We had planned to hit a few clubs after dinner, but I was feeling tired from the long day. I felt like a total loser, but they knew that the next few days were going to take a lot out of me and understood.

  Bobbie Jo pulled into my
driveway and parked. “Victoria, I wasn’t going to do this, but I can’t help it.” She reached over and squeezed my hand. “You and I’ve been through a lot together . . . good and bad. Out of all of my friends, you have been the one constant in my life. You make me smile when I don’t want to. You bring me soup when I feel like crap. You text me smutty guy pictures for the shock value, which I completely approve of. You’re my female other half. I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that I’m scared.”

  I looked up at her and saw her lip quiver as she continued, “You’re the sister I never had, and I can’t stand to see you suffer. The thought of you having to fight this battle rips me apart. If I could fight it for you, I would—one hundred times over.” I couldn’t listen anymore. I pushed her hand away and leaned over to hug her. The instant her arms encircled me, we both broke into sobs.

  We held each other for what felt like hours by the time our crying had finally stopped. I looked back at her. “You’re not going to lose me; I’m not that easy to get rid of.” I gave a lame smile and rolled my eyes. Even though I wouldn’t know my prognosis until after surgery, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.

  “I know. Considering the shit I’ve put you through, you must really like me or something. I thought for sure you’d run for the hills at some point . . . but you never did.”

  “Will I see on you Friday after surgery?” I asked, secretly hoping she would be there.

  “You bet your ass! I’m planning to be with Noah during surgery and will do my best to keep him company when your parents start to drive him batty,” she smiled. “We’ll have a little party going on in the waiting room while you’re working on that new set of tits.”

  I laughed and was reminded again of why I loved her . . . she comes up with the craziest things to say at the most inappropriate times!

  “I love you, Bobbie Jo!” I said as my laughter subsided. “Thank you for being you and for taking care of my sorry ass. I know I’ll pay for it someday when I’m scrubbing your dentures or helping you change your Poise pads.”