Beneath, You're Beautiful Page 5
“That’s me with my mom when I was eight years old. We loved spending time at the beach. My dad was taking the picture—it was the last trip we took as a family.” He sounded disappointed.
“Do you see him often?”
“No, he spends most of his time traveling. He’s in sales, and that’s part of the reason my parents divorced. He was never home, and they grew apart, although they did remain good friends. When Mom entered hospice care, he came to visit. I don’t know what was said between the two of them, but whatever it was it was significant. My mom passed away less than twenty-four hours later. I think they had some unfinished business, but I believe she found comfort in knowing that he would be here for me if I needed him. She worried about leaving me alone. It was just the two of us for most of my life. I only saw my dad about once a year and have only seen him once since her passing.”
“That has to be hard not seeing him often. I can’t imagine.”
“I don’t know any different. He wasn’t there for most of my life, and I didn’t expect him to be there after she was gone. I miss my mom terribly, especially around the holidays—it gets lonely without her. I have her memories, and my dad and I have an understanding. We value each other, but we were never very close. I’m sure you’ll meet him some day. He’s a good man, but being a family man wasn’t his thing. I respect him for knowing it and not pretending, but it still bothers me.”
“I’m sorry you don’t have a close relationship, but I’m glad he and your mom remained amiable for your sake.”
“Me too. They really had a special bond as friends, and I was grateful for that. My mom was incredible and had one of the most caring hearts of anyone I’ve ever known . . . you’re a lot like her.” He led me into the family room.
The lights were low, and I noticed the flickering of candles. There was a colorful arrangement of flowers sitting on the coffee table. Blake handed me an envelope with my name written on the front. I looked at him questioningly after I opened it to find a handwritten note. “Go ahead and read it,” he said.
Victoria,
From the moment I met you, I knew you were someone with a good heart. Someone who finds happiness by bringing happiness to others. You’re the type of person that makes the best of any situation, and you do it with grace. I’m in awe of you. Your beauty, your mind, and your heart. You have captured part of my heart just by simply being you, and I hope you’ll let me capture a part of yours too.
Blake
“I wrote that before dinner and had the flowers here waiting because I had hoped you would come home with me tonight.” He moved toward me and pulled me into his arms. “I meant every word I said at dinner, and if the words on that card don’t get through, then I don’t know what will. I’m at your mercy, Victoria. Please let me in. Let me be part of your life.”
“The feelings I have for you scare me. Not that I don’t want to have them, but they are so intense, and it feels too fast. I’m battling with myself over if they are real, but when I put my brain away and focus on how I feel when I’m with you . . . it feels right. As much as I’ve tried, I can’t deny that I have feelings for you that are more than for just a friend. I have put up barriers, telling myself that you’re taking pity on the woman with cancer, and you can’t be attracted to me. That was unfair to you. I have let my past affect my future, and I can’t do that anymore.” I took a moment to compose myself because my nerves were apparent when I spoke. “I need to move forward and not look back. I want to be your girlfriend.”
As quickly as the last sentence left my lips, he stood and placed his phone on the dock. A few seconds later “I Won’t Give Up” by Jason Mraz started playing. He held his hand out to me. “May I have this dance?”
Butterflies filled my stomach as I placed my hand in his. Blake pulled me close, wrapped me in his warm arms, and began to dance. He was humming along to the music, but soon started singing the words softly to me. It dawned on me that he played this song on purpose, and I knew he meant every word that Jason Mraz sang. I could feel myself start to tremble in his arms as the realization hit me. He tightened his arms around me, and it dawned on me that I fit perfectly in them, just like he had said.
The song ended and the strum of a guitar came over the sound system followed by the unmistakable voice of Rob Thomas singing “Overjoyed.” Blake placed a kiss just under my ear and slowly trailed more down my neck to my collarbone. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of him take over as the words of the song washed over me.
I felt the back of the sofa hit my bum, but Blake didn’t make a move to sit. Instead, he continued to hold me tight against him and delicately ran his tongue along the crease of my lips, instinctively causing my mouth to open to him. Our tongues moved slowly at first, but it didn’t take long for Blake to deepen the kiss. This moment felt right. He stepped back, locked eyes with mine, and began to unknot his tie.
“Let me do that.” I reached up for the knot and began to pull it loose. Once it was removed, I placed it on the back of the sofa and started working on the buttons of his shirt. I’m not really sure how my hands weren’t shaking, because I was nervous as hell, but I managed to get his shirt off in record time.
Blake stood before me in nothing but his dress pants. I loved him in suits, scrubs, and his casual attire, but this right here—this—was something that would be forever imprinted in my mind. The man’s body was trim but athletic, with a smooth, tanned chest, firm abs that weren’t overly defined, and he was sporting an impressive V. I could see a slight trail of hair leading down to the edge of his pants and to a very prominent bulge. But what really took me be complete surprise was the discovery that the good doctor was inked.
He had a phrase tattooed in black on his left side. It started just below his pectorals and traveled down over his ribs in paragraph form. I looked up at him surprised, and he just smirked and nodded that it was okay for me to inspect further.
to love is to risk not being loved in return
to hope is to risk pain
to try is to risk failure
but risk must be taken because the
greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
Wow. I’d seen these words before. “Leo Buscaglia?” I questioned. He was a well-known American author and inspirational speaker.
Blake nodded. “Yes. I’m impressed that you’re familiar with the quote. I couldn’t fit it in full, so I picked a few of my favorite lines. I’m pleased with how it turned out.”
I smiled as I read them again, slowly this time, to let the meaning set in. This quote added to the hope in winning my painful battle with breast cancer. I tried to stay strong through the collapse of my marriage. But was I willing to take the risk of loving again? Was I willing to give Blake a chance to love me in return?
Yes, I was.
Leaning down, I placed a kiss over the words on his side and Blake sucked in a breath. “You are the first person to ever kiss me there.” He pulled me back up. “May I?” he asked as he placed his hand on the zipper of my dress. I nodded my consent.
He unzipped my dress and let it flutter to my feet. I stood in a pair of pink lace panties and a matching camisole while his eyes began exploring every inch of me. He was looking at me as a woman, not as a patient, for the first time, and I began to fidget.
“Stop,” he implored. “You’re breathtaking.” He stepped toward me, and I felt the heat of his chest against mine as I kicked my dress out from under me and watched as it landed in the pile with Blake’s shirt. I slipped the scarf off of my head and added it to the pile, feeling free. Blake’s smile was comforting and accepting, which helped me to relax.
Feeling brave, I moved my hands over the curve of his firm ass and pulled him closer, feeling his impressive length against my belly. He made small circles with his thumbs along the top of my panties causing my heart rate to climb. I was completely lost to his touch.
The soft stubble on his jaw tickled my lips before he captured my mouth in a powerful but passio
nate kiss. Blake underneath the suit was a different man, and I was completely captivated by him. I began to slide my hands into the waistband of his pants, but he stepped away. “No, not yet. Tonight is about you.”
He leaned me against the back of the tall sofa for support and moved his hands to the bottom of my cami, looking to me for approval. I crossed my arms slowly across my body and grasped the hem, pausing for a moment to take a deep breath before I began lifting the material slowly. Blake watched my hands and helped when I started to struggle the closer I got to the expanders. They weren’t forgiving, and moving my arms above my head was still uncomfortable. There was nothing sexy about removing my undergarments anymore.
“Beautiful,” he whispered as he dropped the cami to the floor. “You’re so damn beautiful.” I wanted to disagree, but I didn’t.
He smiled and resumed kissing down my neck to that spot right at the neckline that sent goose bumps all over my body. I could feel his smile against my skin as he began to trail light kisses along my collarbone and down my chest. He paused and his eyes met mine in an intense stare as he knelt down in front of me on the floor. I watched as he placed a tender kiss on the edge of the mastectomy scar on my left side. His eyes stayed locked on mine as he continued to feather soft kisses along the entire length of the scar and then repeated the process on my right side. Feeling the tears start to well in my eyes, I closed them tight to prevent them from falling, but I was unsuccessful.
I was overwhelmed by the message behind Blake’s kisses and needed a moment to process them. He was the one who kissed there. In a sense, he understood what I’d lost because he was partially responsible for physically taking this part of me away. He witnessed the pain I’d been through. He was trying to make it fade, just as the scars would eventually. His kisses made me feel wanted. His kisses proved to me what his words had not convinced me of. This was real. His feelings were real. He wanted us. There was nothing left for me to question.
Opening my eyes, I saw what I had been blind to the last few months. I saw a man who had grown to care for me and didn’t push me to get what he wanted; instead he waited patiently for me to see it. It was clear to me now. “Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” I pleaded.
“I don’t plan to stop anytime soon. Tonight is about you. I want you to feel, and I want you to trust me.” He laid me on the sofa and covered my body with his, continuing to kiss away the emotional pain that had been left behind.
What he was showing me was that he cared, and that sex wasn’t a tool to be used, but rather, it was something special. His restraint and respect made me feel confident and desirable. He touched and kissed every inch of bare skin that was showing but didn’t push further sexually. It was what I needed. I needed him to make the hurt fade away.
He placed a final warm kiss on my lips, causing my eyes to open. “Everything about you is beautiful. You gave me a piece of yourself by letting your guard down. You let me start to erase the pain. You let me touch you like you hadn’t been touched before.” He tilted my face up to meet his. “I needed it as much as you did. I needed to feel you and kiss away the pain that the scars have brought to you. It’s time to move on and see the strength they have given you and the future that is waiting. Tomorrow will close one of the chapters, and I would like to be part of the next one.”
His words took my breath away. He was right—I needed to move on from the hurt of the past and look to the future. The future that was still unwritten. By encouraging me to find my strength, it would help me to see that the future was mine to take.
The feelings I had for him were already strong, but they still frightened me because I wasn’t prepared for them. We had only been seeing each other for about a month, and I needed to respond to him; however, the words escaped me. I couldn’t put how I felt into words, and it was a helpless feeling.
“You don’t have to answer—it wasn’t a question,” he replied with a smile. “I just want you to know my intent.”
“Thank you.” I returned his smile. “I’m excited for the next chapter to start.”
Blake held me in his arms for a while more before he switched into doctor mode. He was adamant that I needed to get home and get a good night sleep before my last chemo session. I knew he was right because sleeping the night after chemo was always a crap shoot with the constant buzzing of my brain. Honestly, it was pointless to even try.
He pulled up in my driveway and put the car in park before leaning over to give me a good-night kiss. I practically bounced up the steps to my front door and turned to wave as I let myself in. After watching him drive away, I sent a quick text for him to read once he got home.
Thank you for tonight and for being part of my journey.
Victoria
I made my way upstairs to change into my pajamas and brush my teeth. When I climbed into bed I noticed a text waiting and smiled to myself.
Thank you for being part of mine. Sweet dreams.
Blake
Thoughts from the night replayed in my head before sleep finally caught me and delivered some very sweet dreams . . . dreams that I had a feeling might come true.
Chapter Five
I AM CELEBRATED
I arrived for my last chemo appointment with Blake at my side. A few of the nurses glanced up as we walked by and greeted Dr. Forrester, while others looked surprised to see him. They weren’t used to seeing him in casual attire, let alone accompanying a woman to a chemo session. He made it a point to hold my hand as we walked by, and he nodded his acknowledgment back to them. It suddenly felt like I was back in high school as the dorky girl walking through the commons with the captain of the football team. It was surreal.
When we entered the room, I quickly noticed that the table was filled with surprises. A bouquet of pink roses in a bright pink vase, balloons, and a small lime-green oval box wrapped with a white bow were waiting for me. But what caught my eye immediately was a breast cancer cookie bouquet. It contained several decorated pink ribbon cookies. Cookies with phrases like “Got Boobs?” and “Big or Small, Save Them All,” as well as some nicely decorated boob cookies with fancy bras. I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. “Did you do this?”
“I had a part, but I can’t take all the credit. I’m pretty sure the captions on the cookies have Bobbie Jo written all over them.” He laughed as he reached for the card to confirm his prediction. I reached for the green box and noticed a card from Jen and Dana saying they wished they could be with me today and that this bracelet was to commemorate the day. What I found inside touched me deeply; it was a sterling silver rope-style bracelet with a silver ribbon charm that was set with a pink stone where the ends crossed. It was so simple, yet the meaning was profound. “Finally! A present you aren’t afraid to open—can I help you put it on?” Blake asked. I nodded, and he lifted it out of the box and clasped it around my left wrist. “You have some pretty amazing friends.”
“I’m very lucky, and what makes it even better is how they adore you. The fact that you all get along so well warms my heart. Plus, I knew it was a safe gift to open because Bobbie Jo’s name wasn’t on it,” I responded as I reached for the card on the flowers assuming they were from Blake.
Baby Girl,
We are so proud of you! Congratulations on crossing the chemo finish line.
Love, Mom and Dad
I drew the card to my chest and tried my best not to get choked up. This was really it, and the people who mattered most in my life knew it. Even though they couldn’t be here, they were celebrating with me.
Blake wrapped me in a hug. “I wanted today to be special for you, and they all agreed. Even though they aren’t here physically, they are still cheering you on. You did it. You made it through the hard part,” he commended me as he pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. “Thank you for letting me be the one to sit with you today. I brought a few things for us to look through to pass the time. Consider it my surprise to you.”
We were interrupted when Margaret announ
ced her arrival. “This is it!” She smiled as she pulled out her chair and flipped through my chart for the last time. “It’s nice to see you again, Dr. Forrester.”
Blake actually had a slight blush on his cheeks when he responded, “It’s nice to see you too.” I’m sure he wasn’t used to being on this side of things with the patient.
“So, Victoria, are you ready to get this over with?”
“Yes, ma’am, I sure am. However, I’m going to miss seeing you every other week,” I admitted. Margaret was a sweet woman, and she had always been so kind to me. I made a mental note to come back in a few weeks with a little something to show my appreciation for her.
“I’ll miss seeing you too, but I’m happy that you can put this all behind you. It’s graduation day!” she exclaimed as she began to prepare for my last chemo drip.
The excitement of the day hit me. “Yes, it is.” This wasn’t going to be a gloomy treatment; this was the end, and it was a day to celebrate. Once she had my drip going and made sure I had everything I needed, she excused herself.
Blake stepped toward the bed and proceeded to sit next to me, forcing me to scoot over to give him more room . . . not that I minded in the least. We were sitting side-by-side propped up in a hospital bed together. How ironic to have my former doctor sitting with me like this. Never in a million years would I have anticipated this moment.
“Well, then, it’s time for my surprise,” Blake interrupted my thoughts with a sneaky smile.
I felt my heart jump up into my throat and thoughts of what he was going to do started to flash through my head. “Not here. Are you crazy?”
He busted out laughing. A full blown obnoxious laugh, which made me start laughing even though I wasn’t sure what was so funny.