Beneath It All (Beneath #1) Page 17

  “I’m happy to show you to the infusion lab, if you’d like?” she asked looking at Noah, who had a soft smile on his face. It was nice to see that the simple kindness from a young girl could ease the stress of the last eighteen hours.

  “That would be nice. Lead the way,” Noah said, holding his arm out and signaling her to go ahead.

  When we arrived at the infusion lab desk, we were checked in and brought back to a small private room and told a nurse would be in shortly. There were two reclining treatment chairs, so we each sat down in silence and stared up at the ceiling.

  “You okay?” I asked as I looked over at Noah.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. Didn’t get much sleep last night, but I’m not going to complain. You had it far worse than me.”

  “It definitely wasn’t my favorite way to spend a Friday night. Most times you have a lot of fun on a Friday night before you throw up, like it’s a package deal. There was nothing fun about last night.”

  “You can say that again. Have you had any water since we left?”

  “No, I left my bottle in the car,” I confessed as the nurse walked in the room studying my chart.

  “Good afternoon. You must be Victoria?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Great, how are you feeling today?”

  “Not the greatest. I spent most of the night throwing up until there was nothing left but bile.”

  “Have you been drinking fluids to stay hydrated?” she inquired.

  “I’ve been trying my best,” I answered sheepishly, because honestly, I was afraid to put anything in my mouth after the violence of last night. “I’m just so wiped out.” Tears started to well in my eyes, and Noah sat up on the edge of his chair and reached over to hold my hand.

  “She has been having a hard time with drinking because her throat is so raw. I’ve given her crushed ice, and she has been sipping Gatorade and water through a straw. She has maybe had two cups of fluid today, and she hasn’t attempted food.”

  “Okay. I’m concerned about dehydration,” she said as she stood up and stepped over to wash her hands at the sink in the room. “I’ll get your injection ready, and then I’m going to ask you to stay for at least one bag of fluids. I want to avoid further dehydration issues down the road, and you’re right on the cusp of potentially becoming dehydrated. I’m not willing to take that risk, and it will help you feel better.”

  I nodded in agreement, feeling completely defeated. This whole experience had done nothing but beat me down mentally and physically. It felt like I was leaning over the edge of hell and the only thing that was keeping me from falling in was a fine thread that was starting to fray. It was only a matter of time until the thread broke and I would free fall.

  Chapter Twelve

  I AM MIGHTY

  It had been six days since my three-hour stay at the hospital for an IV bag of fluids and my shot. I was feeling bit better and had begun to eat a little bit here and there. Gatorade was my friend. I froze it into ice cubes to suck on and also found out that I loved frozen banana slices and frozen grapes. Anything frozen was my preference.

  Curling up with a book with “She Will Be Loved” by Maroon 5 quietly playing in the background finally gave me some peace.

  I heard the click of a key in the door, and Noah made his way inside not so quietly. I felt a shift in my relaxed state and grew anxious.

  “Did you have dinner yet?” he slurred, sauntering past me and into the kitchen.

  “Yeah, I had some of my mom’s chicken noodle soup. She had Dad bring over a few containers of it. I guess she wants to make eating easy for me.” I laughed before I noticed he was standing in the kitchen, pounding the glass of water with his eyes closed. “Are you okay?”

  “I’ve been better. We went out to dinner with a few clients, and I had a few too many cocktails. I’m not used to drinking like that anymore, and I don’t know how I lost track of the number of drinks I had. I think I need to head up to bed if you’re doing okay.”

  He looked pitiful as he tried to seem concerned about me. He was most definitely drunk. “Did you drive yourself home?”

  “No. I got a ride. I’ll sort out how to get my car tomorrow.”

  “Good. Go up to bed . . . I’ll be up shortly.” I eyed him as he started pulling at his tie while trying to make his way toward the stairs.

  He was struggling, and I heard him cuss when he couldn’t get the knot out of his tie. “God dammit.”

  Noah hadn’t been drunk in years; he always seemed to stay in control when it came to business dinners. There was no way this night was going to be kind to him. Unlike my situation, in which I did not have the choice of making myself sick or not, he had chosen to drink too much, and chances were high that he would be throwing up tonight. In fact, I’d bet on it.

  Men were dumb, and my husband was at the top of the heap tonight.

  *

  Something startled me awake. I looked over at the clock and noticed it was just after eleven. I turned off all of the lights, made sure the door was locked, and made my way upstairs.

  The bathroom light was on but the door was only partially closed, casting a shadow over the room. I saw Noah sprawled out on the bed in his boxers; he was moving around a bit and babbling unintelligible words as I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and put on my pajamas. Turning off the bathroom light, I tiptoed to the bed and climbed in.

  Lately, I’d been having a hard time falling asleep; my brain seemed to be on a constant buzz. It was doing some serious mind traveling while my body needed to sleep.

  I counted backward from one hundred. Fail. Still awake. I went through each letter of the alphabet, thinking of something I was grateful for that started with each letter. Still awake.

  I felt the bed shift as Noah cuddled next to me, throwing his leg up over my body. He let out a sigh of contentment and started to softly snore. Sleep was a lost cause now.

  My mind travel continued, and Noah started getting fidgety again. Wait. What’s that? I paused my train of thought and focused. He was starting to grow hard against my hip.

  Did grown men still have wet dreams? I wondered as he started thrusting against me, getting harder with each stroke against my hip. I wasn’t sure what to do.

  Should I wake him? Should I give him a hand? He sped up and started mumbling again. His grip tightened around me, and his breathing was erratic. I could tell he was close to release and lay as still as possible to not surprise him.

  “Stacey!” he shouted as he startled himself awake while coming against my hip.

  His frantic eyes looked around the room and settled on me. I stared back wide-eyed and speechless as my mouth hung open in shock.

  “Oh shit. What the hell?” he questioned as he looked down at the mess he’d just made and dashed out of bed. I heard him curse again as he stumbled into the bathroom. He closed the door and started the shower.

  What. The. Fuck, I thought, as I lay with the warm, wet spot on my hip that felt more like a cold bucket of water. I knew people talked in their sleep and said random things. Most of the time, they don’t even remember talking.

  Confusion and anger were at war in my brain now, and as much as I wanted to feel settled, I didn’t. I was conflicted with my feelings and wanted to cry.

  How had her name even come up? It’s not like we spent much time with her and her “sugar daddy” husband. He was one of Noah’s partners at the firm. Noah must have been at dinner with him, and she was a topic of conversation. That made complete sense. Right? Yes.

  “That’s the answer,” I mumbled to no one in particular, as I convinced myself that it was true. I got out of bed, careful not to get my side of the bed all wet and sticky, and went into the closet to put on a fresh pair of pajamas.

  The feeling of being cheated on was real, but I knew it was only a dream. However, it didn’t make me feel any better. Anger had taken the forefront of my mind as I stepped back into the bedroom.

  The bathroom door was still clos
ed, but the water had stopped running. I looked over at the bed and decided to go back downstairs to make myself a cup of tea.

  My head hurt from my brain racing at Mach speed, and my heart was still thundering as I sat down on the sofa. Escaping into a book usually did the trick to calm me down. I silently prayed that it would not fail me now.

  It didn’t take long for my mind to get sucked into the story on the pages; my eyes began to get heavy and struggled to stay open. I gave in to the sleep that had been so elusive and didn’t move a muscle until the next morning when I smelled coffee and heard noise coming from the kitchen. Surprisingly the smell and taste of coffee was still okay in my chemo-induced world.

  I quietly strolled into the kitchen and found Noah busy making pancakes, which were one of the things I figured out that I really liked eating this week. The secret was a little extra Watkins vanilla added to the batter.

  “Good morning,” I whispered as I reached for a coffee cup in the cabinet.

  “Good morning,” he turned away from what he was doing to look at me. “I’m so sorry about last night. I can’t believe I let myself drink like that. It was irresponsible, and I apologize.”

  “It happens,” I answered as I poured my coffee and went to sit at the kitchen table instead of the breakfast bar. While I couldn’t be mad at him for what he said in his sleep, I felt betrayed. It hurt and I couldn’t talk with him about it right now, so I opened my book back to where, I assumed, I had left off before falling asleep the night before.

  He continued to make breakfast in awkward silence. I wondered if he knew what he had said while he rubbed himself against me and came in his sleep, or perhaps he really did feel guilty about coming home drunk. I couldn’t tell, but I knew that something was off.

  As much as I tried to focus on reading, I couldn’t. “Did you sleep well after your shower?”

  “Yeah. I hope I didn’t wake you when it happened. It has been years since I’ve had a wet dream.” He sounded embarrassed as he placed a plate of pancakes on the table. The fact that he was so honest made me think he really was out of it and didn’t remember calling out Stacey’s name when he climaxed. Should I say something or just ignore it? I didn’t want to make this anymore uncomfortable than it already was.

  “Thank you for breakfast; it smells great.”

  “You’re welcome. I feel terrible about what happened last night and wanted to make peace this morning. I promise that won’t happen again.” He seemed sincere in his apology, and I decided, at that moment, that I needed to move on and forget what happened. It was just a dream, and my overactive mind was getting the best of me.

  “So what do you have planned for today?” I asked as I took my first bite of pancakes. They were perfect and melted in my mouth. I quickly took another bite.

  “I have to catch up on a few cases, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to work right now. I still have a headache to remind me that I’m a dumbass.”

  “Yeah. Last night was not one of your brighter moments.”

  We spent the rest of the day being lazy and hadn’t changed out of our pajamas.

  “What would you say to going out for dinner tonight?” he called out to me from the office.

  “Where do you want to go?” I got up and walked toward the office. When I got to the door, I peeked in to see he was leaning back in his chair and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Everything okay?” I asked.

  He opened his eyes and looked up at me. “Yeah. Just been working on a few things and I need a break, and I remembered that I don’t have my car. We could grab a quick dinner and stop to pick it up on our way home.”

  “Sure. That sounds good. Give me fifteen minutes, and I’ll be ready to go.”

  “Great,” he said as he started organizing the papers that were strewn all over his desk.

  We stopped at one of my favorite old-fashioned malt shops, and I sucked down a large banana malt like it was my last meal. It was amazing; the burger, not so much. This not being able to eat certain things was going to be a challenge for sure. I did manage a few French fries, but the banana malt was a winner. Noah even ordered two more to go.

  “We’ll put them in the freezer for later,” he said when he saw the surprise on my face. “If we find something that works, we’re stocking up.”

  “That must be why you get paid the big bucks, Counselor,” I teased as I elbowed him in the side. It felt good to joke a bit. Life had been so serious lately, and it sucked. We drove a short distance to where Noah’s car was parked.

  “I need to run a quick errand on my way home. Is there anything you need at the grocery store?” he asked as I sat down and adjusted the driver seat of my car.

  “Why don’t you get some more grapes and bananas? They seem to be winners right now—and a few bottles of blue Gatorade. Friday is my next chemo, so we should be prepared.”

  “Got it. Drive carefully and don’t forget to bring the malts in and put them in the freezer. Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe, please.”

  “I will. Where else are you stopping?”

  “Christmas is in two weeks, so should you really be asking?”

  “Oh my god! How did I forget about Christmas?” I exclaimed.

  “You’ve had a little bit going on lately. Not to worry, though; I’ve done most of the shopping already so you can just focus on feeling better.” He leaned in to give me a kiss. “I’ve got it under control.”

  “Thank you. I’m sorry that our life has been nothing but madness lately. Jen and I did a little bit of shopping a few weeks ago, so I have a few things for you at least. I’m so out of it,” I confessed as I felt the weight of the world push down on me a little harder.

  I closed the door and watched Noah walk to his car. He paused and grabbed a slip of paper out from under the wiper. Most likely an advertisement since people loved to hit the popular restaurant lots and put a flyer on your car. Noah crumpled it and tossed it on the passenger seat before he got in. He nodded to me once he started his car, and I headed home.

  Noah arrived home several hours later with his arms loaded down with bags. I got up to help him unload the groceries as he brought the other bags up to one of the extra bedrooms.

  When he came back down to the kitchen, he was already changed into his sleep pants and a T-shirt.

  “Are you feeling okay?” I asked while motioning my head at what he was wearing.

  “Yeah, I’m just tired. Last night has caught up to me, and I think I’m going to turn in. I’ve got a busy week, and I need to be on my game.” He wrapped me in a hug, and I automatically nestled my head into the crook of his neck. It was my favorite place to be.

  We stood like this for a few minutes before he released me. “Good night. I love you,” he said before placing a kiss on my lips and leaving.

  “Good night,” I called after him as he walked away.

  I turned to my faithful teapot and put it to boil. I settled into a seat at the breakfast bar and flipped mindlessly through the free monthly magazine from the grocery store. I’m not sure what I was even looking for; I was just going through the motions of what would have been normal. Normal. What was normal anymore?

  *

  The first part of the week went by with little fanfare, which was a welcome change. I received a text from Jen on Thursday morning asking to meet for lunch. She knew that tomorrow would be my next chemo session, and I wouldn’t feel like eating much for a few days.

  We arrived at the restaurant in the upscale 50th & France shopping area. Jen and I spent a lot of time in the area during our teen years, and I still loved it. It felt like home. We were shown to our table, and when we arrived, two seats were already occupied.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked Bobbie Jo and Dana in surprise. A smile so big it hurt stretched across my face.

  “Jen said she wanted to surprise you for her Victoria’s Victors’ Day, and here we are,” Dana squealed. “It thankfully worked that we were both able to take th
e afternoon off.”

  Bobbie Jo cut her off. “We are going to stuff our faces, spend lots of money shopping, and take in a matinée at the movie theater if you’re up for it.”

  “Sounds like the perfect distraction. Thank you, ladies.” I sat down and was handed a menu.

  Between all of the stories and giggles, it was a wonder we even ate our food. It felt good to laugh with my girlfriends. I missed them.

  “We need to do this more,” I declared. “I feel like I’ve been living on another planet lately, and I miss my girls.”

  “All you have to do is ask,” Jen said while Bobbie Jo and Dana both nodded since their mouths were full. “Call or text and we’re there.”

  “I’m sorry I haven’t been around more.” Dana tried to hide the fact that she was feeling guilty. “I’ve been travelling so much for work, and I’m barely home. I’m happy today worked out.”

  “Stop it! Don’t feel bad. I know how busy you are, and I know you’re always a call or text away.”

  “I’ll try to get over more often when I’m in town. I promise.” Dana leaned in to give me a side hug.

  “Okay, ladies, enough of the sappy shit,” Bobbie Jo interrupted. God, her bluntness always made me smile. “Let’s go tear up some stores.”

  We spent the next two hours popping in and out of various stores, claiming we were helping the economy. I was able to buy a few more Christmas presents, and I felt settled for the first time in a few weeks. I was happy.

  We headed toward the theater for the matinée. Something caught my eye as we were standing in line to buy our tickets. I noticed a woman being seated at a table by the window at a restaurant across the street. Something about her seemed familiar. I squinted to get a better look as she sat down and flipped her hair over her shoulder revealing her face. She didn’t see me, but I knew who it was, and it gave me a shiver. Stacey.

  I was just about to say something to Jen when my phone buzzed, and I looked down to find a text from Noah.