Beneath It All (Beneath #1) Read online

  By the time Noah appeared back in the kitchen, I was pouring myself another glass of wine. The music had changed to “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks, and I couldn’t help dancing as I worked in the kitchen. I turned to grab a towel and noticed Noah leaning against the counter in a pair of running pants and no shirt. Damn. That’s hot. He is totally back!

  “I love watching you when you cook. It’s like my own private dinner show,” he said as he moved toward me, stopping to pour himself a glass of wine along the way. He wrapped his arm around my waist and began moving with me to the music. We continued to dance through a few more songs, and I felt at peace . . . safe and secure in Noah’s arms.

  Out of nowhere, Noah spoke. “I’ve been doing some research, and I spoke with one of my clients today who is an oncologist. I told him the treatment plan Dr. Guthrie laid out, and he agrees with her recommendations.”

  “I see.” I felt my heart rate rising and stopped swaying to the music. “And what does that mean?”

  “It means that I’m comfortable with the plan she has laid out and that I think you should do it, if you want to, that is.” He paused and looked down at me. “Is that what you want?”

  Wow. I hadn’t expected this conversation to be so sudden and direct. I felt like I was witnessing him in a court case. It was so cut and dry for Noah, no emotion, just facts. But then again, did I really expect anything else? This is how he handled big decisions.

  “I guess it’s what I want.” I cleared my throat and stepped away from him to reach for my glass of wine. My mouth suddenly felt dry. “I’ve mulled it over in my head so many times that I’m dizzy.”

  I took another large gulp of my wine, hoping it would give me courage. That’s right, I was seeking liquid courage. But I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because I would be admitting that I had cancer and that I was, in fact, afraid of dying. Reality was a bitch and her slap hurt like hell.

  Noah broke my thoughts. “What’s making you hesitate? Talk to me.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “That’s understandable, and I’m scared too. But I think you need to look at the big picture and step back to look at what it says on paper.”

  “I did, and it said that a 2.3-centimeter cancerous tumor was removed from my body. It was removed from my body dammit! Why the hell would I want to let someone poison me ‘just in case,’ if it was removed? Honestly, Noah. Why?” I screamed as anger took over. Hadn’t I been through enough, physically and emotionally, already?

  Noah stepped toward me and attempted to comfort me, but I stepped away. “I feel trapped in a body that has a vendetta against me, and I can’t escape it. My thoughts wake me in the middle of the night and won’t shut off. There isn’t a time in the day where cancer isn’t on my mind. It was removed from me, and by agreeing to chemotherapy, I’ll be adding to the stress by dragging my body down physically more than it already is. I’m afraid of what it will do to me. I’m afraid of what it will do to us. I’m afraid of dying. I’m just so goddamn afraid,” I sobbed uncontrollably.

  Noah caught me as my legs gave out, and we sunk to the floor. I curled up on his lap and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He rubbed my back lightly and laid his cheek against the top of my head. Silence was what I needed. No words could heal the pain I was feeling and he knew that.

  The tears stopped, and I spoke softly: “I’m going try it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’m not going to let cancer beat me down anymore. If this will help me make sure it doesn’t come back, then I’m willing to try.”

  “I think you’re making the right decision.” He kissed the top of my head.

  “I’m glad you agree. The deciding factor for me was the triple negative markers; they scared the hell out of me.”

  “Me too. Now let’s get off of this damn floor and check on dinner.” Noah moved from under me and stood, reaching his hand out to help me up. Once standing, he tilted my chin up and placed a kiss on my mouth. “I love you, Victoria,” he murmured against my lips.

  “I love you too.”

  Noah leaned in to deepen the kiss. The sudden surge of heat between my legs overwhelmed me, and our kiss became frantic. Noah’s tongue slid powerfully against mine, like it was a battle and he was going to be the victor.

  He backed me up against the counter and shifted so that his right leg was between my legs, and I felt his erection stiff against my hip as he rubbed up against me. I couldn’t hold back the moan that had been building in my throat. Noah’s hand started to make its way from my side, down my tummy, and finally settling between my legs. Instinctively, my hips started grinding down on his fingers as I could feel the moisture start to pool in my panties.

  Beep. Beep. Beep. Damn.

  All grinding came to a sudden stop as the oven announced that dinner was done.

  “Cock blocked by the lasagna,” Noah laughed as he pulled away and adjusted himself. I looked down at the evidence and had to admit: that must be pretty damn painful, as we hadn’t had sex in over three weeks. Poor guy.

  “You know I can take care of you quickly while the lasagna sits. It would be cruel for me to make you sit through dinner like that.” I smirked as I nodded to very prominent bulge in his pants. He removed the lasagna from the oven, and when he turned back to me, I felt like his prey.

  “You realize that you cannot take that offer back, don’t you?” he said as he stalked back toward me. My panties were now as slick as a slip-n-slide, and I squirmed. Damn, this felt good.

  “I intend to let you relieve my discomfort soon, but first I think I need to finish what I started,” he said as he slipped his hand into my panties and immediately pressed his thumb to my clit. Two fingers slid through my folds before they plunged deep up inside of me. “Oh fuck,” we said in unison.

  “It would be a waste to only let my hands enjoy this.” He stepped back, and within seconds, my panties were on the floor, and I was lying on the cold granite countertop with my legs spread and Noah’s face closing in on the goal.

  Score.

  As soon as his mouth made contact with me, the coldness from the counter instantly disappeared and all of my attention was on one tiny part of my body. A part that I had forgotten about until Noah found it. It didn’t take long for my body to respond, and I raced toward an orgasm that I so desperately needed. I screamed his name after one more flick of his tongue and my body released for the first time in weeks.

  He started to kiss his way up my body and stopped just above my belly button as his hands moved up my back to help me sit up. His mouth found mine instantly and the taste of me on his lips drove me crazy. It had been too long. “Thank you,” I whispered against his mouth. “I’ve missed you.”

  I didn’t give him a chance to respond as I slid my tongue deep in his mouth and felt his erection firm against me. I carefully scooted forward. “Please help me off the counter.”

  Not saying a word, Noah helped me down and made sure my legs wouldn’t give out, as I was still trembling from my orgasm. I indicated for him to hop up where I was. “I don’t think I can drop down to the floor or get back up easily—if you were up higher, it would help.”

  How sad was that? While my chest was healing nicely, I still had restrictions, and moving around was still uncomfortable when my pectoral muscles were involved. I had to interrupt our moment with a physical restriction . . . was I eighty years old now?

  Noah could see the wheels turning in my head and frowned. He quickly discarded his pants and boxers and hopped up on the counter as he pulled me between his legs. I placed my hands on his thighs and rested my forehead against his chest for a brief moment before his hands cradled my cheeks and he tilted my head up to look at him. “Don’t,” he said as he slowly shook his head. “Just feel this moment—forget about everything else. Just focus on this moment.”

  He leaned down and kissed me hard. There was no question in this kiss; it was intense and he was in charge. My hands worked their way up his thighs feel
ing every inch of muscle until they came to rest on his throbbing cock.

  He was hard and ready. I slid my hand up his length, feeling his skin glide smoothly upward in my grasp. A drop of wetness was on the tip, teasing me and tempting me.

  I broke our kiss and moved back a little so that I could lean down to taste. Keeping my right hand in place on his cock, I placed my left hand around his sack and gave it a light squeeze, which was answered with a groan from Noah. “Wrap those sexy plump lips around me.”

  He really didn’t have to ask, but his demand made me want to take control, so I continued to lick around the tip and down his shaft. This position was perfect as my arms were tucked perfectly against my body and I could still control him without any discomfort; I wanted to stay here for a while. The scent of his fresh showered skin and sex took over the smell of the cooling lasagna, and the only thing I was hungry for was him.

  “Victoria,” he begged, and I gave in and wrapped my mouth around him. I slowly sank down, taking his cock as far back into my throat as I could. I stilled for a moment before sucking my way back up his shaft and twirling my tongue at the top. I made sure to give a little extra pressure at the sensitive spot at the tip, and he jumped.

  “God, you’re so damn good at that. Your lips and tongue”—he hesitated as I drove my mouth back down on him with force and picked up the pace—“fucking perfection.” I continued to devour him, wanting to bring him closer to the edge. Applying a little more pressure around his sack, I focused my tongue on the tip of his cock and flicked it a few more times over the magical spot before he finally went over the edge and gritted out words I couldn’t even understand.

  His body was stiff and twitching as I swallowed what he had to give. I loosened my grip on him as I carefully licked him clean and placed a feather-light kiss at the tip, which earned me one more little twitch. With a smile on my face, I stood up and looked at a naked and highly satisfied man sitting on my kitchen counter.

  “Well, I’ve got to say the first course of dinner was impeccable,” he said with a sexy smirk. “Should we move on to the second and third courses now, or skip right to dessert?”

  “I may need some nourishment if I’m going to have enough energy to enjoy my dessert.”

  “Smart choice,” Noah said as he hopped off of the counter, reached for his boxers, and pulled them on.

  “Stop,” I said, and he looked at me in surprise. “Just the boxers. Nothing else.”

  He quirked a brow. “Any more requests?”

  “Not at the moment, but that could change.”

  “That is to be expected—you are a woman,” he said with heavy sarcasm as he slapped my ass on his way to the stove. “Grab the bottle of wine; I’ve got the salad and lasagna.” He winked. “You better hurry before I change my mind about the second and third courses.”

  Shaking my head, I said, “Men.”

  As we sat down for dinner, I realized that it felt like old times, when our lives weren’t ruled by appointments and the unknown. We discussed my plans for handing over my clients to a few colleagues, and Noah filled me in on a new case he was handling. He seemed pretty happy about it, but informed me that he may have to do some traveling. Leaving me alone concerned him, but he promised to arrange for someone to stay with me when he was gone.

  The thought of him being gone normally didn’t bother me, but I was in a fragile state right now and I wasn’t sure about it.

  “What is that?” Noah interrupted my thoughts as he nodded toward my hand.

  I looked down and realized that I was playing with the two heart charms on my necklace. “Jen stopped by my office today to take me to lunch followed by some window shopping. We ended up at Tiffany’s, and I was walking around and this necklace caught my eye. I tried it on and Jen whipped out her credit card and I’ve yet to take it off.” I smiled as I found comfort from it between my fingers.

  “It’s beautiful,” he said as he leaned forward and placed his hand over mine, “and I’m glad to see the smile on your face from it.”

  “Me too.”

  Chapter Nine

  I AM LOVED

  I woke Friday morning to a note on my bedside table from Noah.

  Good morning,

  I had to run into the office to sign a few documents this morning, but I will be home in time to go with you to the appointment with Dr. Guthrie.

  Love, Noah

  I looked over at the clock and saw that I had three hours to burn before we needed to leave. Coffee was on my brain, and I swung through the kitchen to grab a cup before heading into the study to read for a bit. I loved sitting in the study; it’s where Noah worked when he was home, and it had the perfect leather reading chair sitting by the fireplace. I flipped on the fireplace and made myself comfortable.

  Bobbie Jo had taken it upon herself to stock up my eReader library, and my to-be-read list was out of control. Looking through the bevy of books, I settled on one with a fighter on the cover. I figured I was in a battle of my own, so maybe I could relate to the character? Clicking on the book, I started reading and quickly got lost in the words. I didn’t realize the time until I heard my phone ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, it’s me,” I heard Noah say. He sounded out of breath.

  “Are you okay? You sound like you’re running somewhere.”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I just had something blow up in my face, and I’m running to the courthouse. I won’t be home in time to take you to the doctor, but I should be able to meet you there. Is there any way you could find someone to drive you?”

  “Yeah, sure, I’ll call Bobbie Jo and see if she can take me, otherwise I can drive myself. Don’t worry, I’ll work it out and meet you there.”

  “I would prefer if you could get a ride. Driving to your office was one thing, but maneuvering the medical building parking lot is another with all of the terrible drivers. Be careful. I’ll meet you there. I’ve got to run. Bye.” Click.

  I shrugged as I hit Bobbie Jo’s number.

  I could hear her laughter as she answered. “What’s up sizzle tits?”

  “Sizzle tits?” She sure knew how to answer the phone and drag a smile out of me when I needed it. God I loved my friends!

  “Come on. You know they are going to be sizzling when Dr. McHottie gets done copping a feel and making them pretty!”

  “What is with you and Jen naming my surgeon Dr. McHottie?” I questioned, trying to sound ticked off, which I most likely failed at.

  “What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t check out your medical team before you let them touch you? We let our fingers do the walking online and did a little research. And . . . well . . . Dr. Forrester’s picture just happened to pop up. You can’t honestly tell me that you don’t think he’s hotter than hell?! Even I know that blindness is not one of the side effects from breast cancer. Fess up!”

  I couldn’t control the laughter that took over as I pictured the two of them online staring at Dr. Forrester. It wouldn’t surprise me if Bobbie Jo had gotten off thinking about him, but I couldn’t honestly admit to being attracted to my doctor. Could I? “Yeah, he’s cute, I guess.”

  “Liar.” She deadpanned. “Now what can I do for you?”

  “I have an appointment with Dr. Guthrie today and Noah just called to tell me he won’t have enough time to come home and get me, and he doesn’t want me driving myself there. Any chance you could drive me in at one thirty?”

  “No problem—I’m happy to be your chauffeur! Is he still planning to meet you, or should I plan to stay with you?”

  “He had to run to the courthouse, but he said he would meet me there. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if you stayed with me until he got there. I’m happy to pay for your gas and parking.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous! This is what I’m here for, and I expect you to call me when you need help. And remember, if I can’t help, you know Jen is available as well. You’re stuck with us, babe. I’ll see you in an hour. Now, go get ready. I have somet
hing urgent I need to take care of before I leave.” I heard some rustling in the background, and she let out a giggle.

  I rolled my eyes. “I’ll see you soon, Bobbie Jo and . . . tell Matthew to spank you on my behalf.” I heard a hitch in her breath as I ended the call.

  An hour later I was dressed and reading when I heard the front door click open and the sound of high heels hit the floor. “You ready to go, smartass?”

  I bookmarked my page and looked up to see Bobbie Jo with a satisfied smirk on her face. “Good to see you too. You look thoroughly—”

  “Spanked!” she interrupted. “Matthew overheard your comment, and I’m not sure if I should be pissed or thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” I winked as I moved past her toward the door. “Let’s get going; I want to get this over with.”

  *

  We sat in the waiting room, and I glanced at the clock on the wall. My appointment was in five minutes and I had yet to see or hear from Noah. Bobbie Jo sat next to me. “It’s okay—I’m sure he is just stuck in traffic. You know how downtown Minneapolis is during the holidays: it’s a parking lot.”

  I nodded in acknowledgment, as my nerves were on high alert. I was not looking forward to this appointment, and I was worried when my name was called and he still wasn’t there.

  “Come on, toots, I’m going back with you,” Bobbie Jo said, offering her hand to me, and we walked back into the office. The nurse brought us back to an exam room, explained that Dr. Guthrie would be in shortly, and excused herself from the room.

  As the door shut behind her, Bobbie Jo turned toward me. “Victoria, I’m sure he’s on his way and just got tied up.”

  “You’re right. He promised me after my first appointment that he would be sure to be at every appointment going forward. I’m sure there is a good explanation.”

  There was a tap on the door and my heart soared, only to come crashing down when Dr. Guthrie walked in. “Good afternoon, Victoria. I see you have someone new with you today.” She turned toward Bobbie Jo and introduced herself with a smile before settling down in her chair. “So, how are you doing?”