Beneath It All (Beneath #1) Read online

  “I’m pretty wiped out and I feel like I could sleep for days,” I yawned. “Why don’t you go home and get a good night’s sleep. Not much is going to happen around here tonight, and I could use another dose of meds soon. Did you happen to find the elephant that has been jumping on my chest?” I attempted a joke.

  “The elephant?”

  “Yes, it feels like an elephant has been stomping on my chest when I move or breathe. I think I’ve a pretty good pain tolerance, but that feeling I had when they moved me was like nothing I could ever have imagined.”

  “I’ll do my best to hunt down that elephant.” Noah kissed my temple and stood up to leave. “You get some sleep. I’ll go let the nurses know I’m leaving and give them my mobile to call if anything happens.”

  “Okay, sweet dreams, Noah. I love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  *

  “Good morning, Victoria. My name is Vivienne, and I’ll be your nurse today. How did you sleep?”

  “As good as could be expected, considering I was poked and prodded every few hours. I think I may need a nap or two today.”

  “Naps are good, but I would like to get you up and walking a bit this afternoon. We don’t want you staying sedentary for more than twenty-four hours, as we need to keep your blood flowing to avoid clots. Once we get you moving, we can get those pressure socks off.”

  Pressure socks? Oh . . . that’s why my legs feel so funny; I forgot all about them. “I didn’t even realize I still had them on until you said something.”

  “Many people don’t realize it; you aren’t alone.” She smiled. “Do you feel like trying some juice or chicken broth this morning? We don’t want to give you any solids until we see that you can tolerate liquids.”

  “Sure, I could go for some chicken broth and maybe a little bit of apple juice.”

  “Coming right up,” Vivienne said as she stepped out of my room.

  Looking around my room, I noticed a few flower arrangements sitting on the ledge by the window. There were gerbera daisies, roses, and lilies among the assortment, and the incredible scent of them hit my nose. It’s the simple things, I thought to myself.

  Vivienne walked in with my liquid breakfast, only it wasn’t the mimosa liquid breakfast I would have preferred. She set the tray down on the rolling table and moved a few pillows carefully to prop me up. It wasn’t an easy task, and when she was done, she moved the tray so I could easily reach it.

  Moving my arms wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but I did it slowly and bent my head to meet my spoon. Noah strolled in just as I was sipping my juice while watching the news. He looked rested and handsome as ever.

  “Good morning, beautiful. How’d you sleep?” he asked as he set down a vase full of fire and ice roses on the table next to my bed.

  “Better than anticipated, but I’ll definitely need a nap today. I just finished some chicken broth, and the nurse told me that if it sits well in my stomach, I can have crackers or a piece of toast.”

  “Who knew that toast would sound so exciting?”

  “Yeah, well, it’s the little things, I’ve learned.” I nodded toward the ledge by the window. “Who are all the flowers from?”

  Noah walked over to the vases and pulled off the cards and brought them over to me. I looked through each of them. One arrangement was from Noah’s law firm, another from my parents, and two from our friends. “They are beautiful, and it was a pleasant smell to wake up to this morning.”

  “I have something else for you,” Noah said, as he placed a large white box tied with a pink bow on the foot of my bed. “I’m guessing it might be hard for you to open; would you like me to do it for you?”

  Bobbing my head up and down in excitement, I watched him carefully remove the bow and open the box.

  Noah pulled out a robe. Scratch that, he pulled out the robe. It was the robe I had enjoyed during our stay at the Plaza for his conference last month. I thought to myself, Was that really only last month? Impossible.

  He put the box down on the chair and walked over to my side and laid the robe over me like a blanket.

  “Thank you—it’s beautiful! How did you manage to get this?”

  “The doctors told me that dressing would be difficult for a few weeks and to try and find clothing that opens in the front, so I called the Plaza and arranged to have one delivered. I figured you had loved it then, and it would hopefully be good for you to use while recovering.”

  “It’s perfect.” I tilted my face up toward him, inviting him in for a kiss. The warmth of his lips instantly comforted me, and I didn’t want this simple kiss to end . . .

  Knock. Knock.

  “Hello? Anyone home?” I heard Jen say as she rounded the corner. “Jesus, Noah, give the girl a break. Must you molest her in her hospital bed?”

  “Very funny, Jen,” I said after Noah broke away from our kiss.

  “Who invited you?” Noah replied sarcastically.

  “I don’t need an invitation; haven’t you learned that yet?” she said with a wink. “How’s our patient today?”

  “Hanging in there, I guess. Last night was okay, and they finally have my meds sorted out now, so I’m doing better.”

  “Have you eaten anything? Can I get you a bagel or a donut or your favorite chocolate croissant?”

  “Easy does it, Jen,” Noah cautioned. “She is still on liquids and hopes to move on to crackers and toast first. I’m sure she will be up for a croissant in a few days.”

  “Deal! I’ll bring you a basket of pastries when you’re settled at home.” She walked to my bed and started fussing over me. “We need to do something about your hair.”

  “My hair? What’s wrong with my hair?” I asked, reaching up to try to touch it, only to wince at the burning sensation it caused.

  “You look like you stuck your finger in a socket, and I happen to know that you will have visitors later today and we can’t have you looking like a mad scientist, now can we?” Jen said as she scrambled around the room, looking for something. “Where is her cosmetic bag, Noah?”

  “It’s in the bathroom where any normal person would put it,” I retorted.

  Before I knew it, she was attacking my head with a brush and spraying all sorts of stuff in my hair. “This isn’t a salon, and people aren’t expecting me to look runway ready, you know,” I said.

  “I realize that, but if it were me, would you let me look like Doc from Back to the Future?” She paused for effect. “I didn’t think so. Now, zip it and let me do my job.”

  I peeked over at Noah who was reading the paper in the corner. He could feel my stare and dropped the corner so I could see the smirk on his face. He gave me a quick wink and continued reading. Men!

  Jen was right. I had lots of visitors that afternoon. My room was starting to look like a floral shop, and I was thrilled when Bobbie Jo arrived with a cookie bouquet for me—I was cleared for solids at lunchtime, so I knew what I wanted my bedtime snack to be! I might have to sneak it past the nurses though.

  It was about three in the afternoon when Vivienne peeked in. “I see your visitors have left. Are you up for a walk?”

  “Sure, why not. What are the chances I can get this catheter removed?”

  “Let’s see how you do walking first. If you’re able to walk a few times before dinner, I’ll see if we can get approval to remove it. Does that sound fair?”

  “Do I’ve a choice?”

  “Not really, but if anything, it gives you a goal to reach.”

  Vivienne lowered my hospital bed and helped me turn and scoot to the edge with my legs hanging down. I did the butt crawl toward the edge until my feet landed on the floor and gave a pathetic smile; I knew that was the easy part.

  “Take a deep breath, Victoria, and put your weight on your heels as I help you stand. Don’t rush to stand; go nice and slow.”

  I followed her orders and found myself standing with her assistance and minimal discomfort. A slow burning feeling was still present,
but I was able to keep my balance without doubling over in pain like I had experienced the day before.

  “How does standing feel?”

  “It feels pretty good, all things considered. I’m ready to take a step when you are.”

  She gave me a nod to begin. “I want you to go slow. Keep in mind that there are grippers on your stockings, so you need to lift your feet up and not shuffle.”

  Taking my first step was a bit nerve-racking, but I did it and quickly found my other foot following suit. I walked to the door and back and felt like I had run a 5K. A small victory, but I’d take any victories at this point.

  “Great job. Do you want to sit back in bed? Or would you like to try sitting in a chair?”

  I looked over at the tall recliner-looking chair in the corner by the window. The thought of sitting with the warmth of the sun on my face sounded lovely. “I’d love to sit in the sunshine.”

  We made our way over to the chair as she continued to hold my elbow and roll the IV pole with us.

  Once I was settled, she stepped out and reappeared a few minutes later with a tray. She placed it on my rolling table and brought it over toward me. A piece of toast, some crackers, jello, and a glass of juice looked like a four-course meal, and I was grateful for solid food.

  “Why don’t you have a little snack, and we’ll try another walk in a little while,” she said before leaving the room.

  I started with the piece of toast and enjoyed looking outside at the people going about their normal day. While the sun felt warm, I knew the chill of winter was coming and sat back to enjoy the feeling of it on my face. I was reminded of the little things that would get me through and closed my eyes.

  That night, they removed my catheter, and I was finally free to walk the halls . . . with assistance, of course. And I was able to enjoy a cookie before bed, without being sneaky.

  *

  The next morning was a flurry of activity that included a much-needed shower. Normally, a shower was a relaxing thing, but this one was more like a juggling act for a first-time juggler. In addition to the surgical tape still covering my incisions, thank god, I had two drains to contend with and was thankful for a little trick one of the nurses taught me.

  I made a beautiful necklace out of a shoelace and two safety pins, which I looped through rings on the end of the drain bulbs. It hung perfectly around my neck and kept the bulbs in one location so I could carefully wash myself without fear of snagging one of them.

  While I wouldn’t recommend this as a fashion statement, I was tempted to take a picture and post it on the Internet simply for the brilliance of it.

  I had settled back into my favorite chair by the window, wearing a pair of leggings and a button down shirt that belonged to Noah. It felt good to be in clothes, and I started to feel somewhat human again. There was a knock at the door and when I looked over, I saw Dr. Forrester walking in wearing scrubs and his white doctor jacket. No power suit today.

  “Good morning, Victoria. I’m in between surgeries and wanted to stop by to see how you were doing.” He made his way toward the ledge by the window and casually propped himself up against it. “It’s good to see you dressed and sitting in the chair. I’m sure you were anxious to get out of the hospital gown. How are you feeling?”

  “I’m feeling pretty good, all things considered, especially after a shower. The drains made for an interesting hurdle, but I won out.” I smiled.

  “Yeah, they can get in the way. I’m guessing they showed you the necklace trick?”

  “They sure did, and let me tell you, it is quite a fashion statement.” I laughed without wincing for the first time. “It feels good to clean up and put on clothes.”

  He glanced at his watch. “I don’t mean to rush, but I am in between surgeries and wanted to check in and sneak a peek at your incisions, if that’s okay with you.”

  “Sure thing.” I sat forward and started scooting off the chair. The feeling of a warm hand gently grasping my elbow to help me to my feet was comforting. I smiled as he guided me over to the hospital bed and helped me lie back. “Thank you for your help.”

  “No problem—I’m not about to risk you slipping on my watch.” He winked.

  I unbuttoned my shirt as he stepped over to the sink to wash his hands before slipping on a pair of latex gloves to check on my incisions. He helped me pull down the zipper on the front of my mastectomy cami when he saw I was struggling. Wearing a cami was a new experience, and it felt strange not to have a bra on. What felt even more awkward were the built in pockets that held my drain bulbs. Disgusting!

  Dr. Forrester noticed me wince when I moved a little too quickly. “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m getting used to the discomfort, but it still catches me off guard. I feel like there are coconuts in my chest, and it’s hard to move.”

  He started to remove the medical tape and pulled back the gauze slowly. “I’ve heard several women compare them to coconuts, and I think it’s an acceptable description.” He studied the incisions and gently poked and prodded the area.

  “The incisions look very good. I’m happy with how everything looks.” He carefully zipped my cami back up. “You can go ahead and button up.” He turned back toward the sink to discard his gloves and wash his hands again.

  “I’d like you to stay tonight, but you can plan on going home tomorrow.”

  “Thank God. I’m going stir-crazy sitting here.”

  He chuckled. “I’m sure. Have the nurses reviewed with you how to clean the lines on the drains and empty them?”

  “Yes, I’ve been stripping them since this morning, and it’s pretty easy . . . disgusting, but easy.”

  “They will be out soon enough. You will be sent home with instructions on how to care for your incisions as well. I would like for you to schedule an appointment to see me at the end of the week. I’ll see how the drains are looking at that time. Please keep a record of the amount of fluid that is draining and bring it with you.”

  “I can do that.”

  “Great.” He reached out to shake my hand and held on a little longer than I anticipated. “You’re very lucky, Victoria. You found it early, and the pathology reports are promising. I look forward to seeing you in a few days.”

  “Thank you, Dr. Forrester. I’ll see you then.”

  Chapter Seven

  I AM UNAFRAID

  As promised, I was released from the hospital the next day. We left loaded down with meds and a novella filled with instructions and restrictions. Noah was very attentive to my needs. My comfort was his main priority, and he even scheduled my follow-up with Dr. Forrester for Friday.

  Get well cards arrived in the mail, and people came and went over the next few days. Nobody would fess up, but I was positive Jen or Bobbie Jo set up a schedule of visitors to stop by with magazines, books, movies, and treats. The refrigerator was fully stocked with meals with instructions for Noah on how to reheat. Having pre-cooked meals on hand was a godsend for Noah, who tried his best to work from home a few hours a day. He wasn’t sleeping much, and I could see the strain of it all on his face . . . everyone who visited could see it too.

  “Hey, Noah!” Bobbie Jo yelled down the hall.

  He came dashing out of his office, sounding out of breath. “What’s the problem? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, everything is fine, chill out.” She smiled slyly. “I was thinking, you have been nurse, cook, pharmacist, and man Friday for your lovely woman here, and you look like shit.” He glared at her. “I mean that with the deepest sincerity.”

  “And . . .” It wasn’t a question, and he looked annoyed.

  “How about you hire me to babysit Victoria for the night, and you go grab a few beers with your buddies.”

  “Hire you? I can only imagine what you charge per hour.”

  “I’m the best deal around.” She smirked. “I take payment in the form of wine or ice cream. I’m sure being the big, bad lawyer you are, you can afford it!”

  A loud laugh esca
ped Noah’s mouth, and it was a welcome sound. He had been so serious the last few days, I was afraid he had turned to stone.

  “Ice cream and wine will buy me a babysitter for my wife, huh?”

  “Hmm . . . now that I think about it, my offer has changed.”

  “Of course it has.” Noah rolled his eyes as he leaned back against the doorway and crossed his arms, waiting for Bobbie Jo’s new offer.

  Bobbie Jo took her time in responding, “Yes, it most definitely has.”

  I was thoroughly entertained by this point and couldn’t hide the smile that lit up my face as I watched the two of them square off in “the battle of the adult babysitter.”

  “I’m curious as to what the going rate is for you to babysit your grown friend. This better be good,” Noah sarcastically replied.

  “Oh, it’s good all right.” She winked at me. “I’ll need a bottle of red wine for me, a carton of Ben & Jerry’s finest for your wife, and two bars of Godiva dark chocolate with sea salt, one for each of us. That is my final offer, Counselor.”

  Noah put his hand up to his chin, appearing to consider her request. “You drive a hard bargain.” He paused for effect; Bobbie Jo was getting antsy. “I accept your offer,” he said as he walked over and pulled her up from the sofa and into a hug.

  I heard him whisper “thank you” into her ear as she patted him on the back. “You need a break, Noah. I worry about you, and you need to get out of here for a few hours.”

  He released her and walked over to me and leaned down to kiss me. “Are you okay if I leave for a bit?” Concern was apparent in his voice, but I could see that he really did need a break when I looked into his weary eyes.

  “Yes, I’ll be just fine. It would be good for you to get out of here for a bit. I’m in good hands, and I’ll probably go to sleep early again.” I tilted my face upward, inviting him to give me a kiss on the mouth. “Call one of the guys and head to a bar to watch the Thursday night game. My appointment with Dr. Forrester isn’t until one-thirty tomorrow, so you can stay out late and sleep in.”

  “Thank you, baby,” he said to me as he stood and looked over to Bobbie Jo. “This means a lot. Please take good care of her while I’m gone.”