Beneath It All (Beneath #1) Page 22

  A breakdown wasn’t in the cards; it would only make things worse.

  When I finally appeared downstairs, there was no questioning the fact that Jen told everyone what went down with Noah. Not a single one of them asked me what happened, and I couldn’t have been more relieved.

  After two more hours of appeasing everyone, we kicked them all out and sent my parents packing for Gulf Shores five days later.

  *

  It had been two weeks since Jen moved in with me.

  My final Red Devil chemo treatment went well, and I rang in the New Year in a Marinol-induced stupor. It was magnificent. Four rounds of paclitaxel were left to complete before I was done with chemo, but putting the first phase behind me was a huge feat. I made it through . . . somehow.

  The light at the end of the tunnel was coming into view, but I still had the reconstruction ahead of me. Not that I ever wanted to wish time away, but I was ready to move on and make this year a good one since the last year had burst into flames.

  I had spent a few days avoiding the file folder Noah had left before finally opening it a week later. What he offered was generous, but it didn’t make me feel any better. I hadn’t heard from him since the day he walked out and didn’t expect to at this point. He’d moved on. Maybe I needed to do the same. But how?

  Today I was scheduled to meet Dr. McGuire for my third expander fill. I was anxious about meeting a new doctor. Jen agreed to take me again and said she would stay in the waiting area like last time.

  When I broke down and admitted to her why I didn’t let her come back during my last appointment, she jumped down my throat and insisted on coming back for the insta-boob procedure. She was pissed that she wouldn’t get to meet Dr. McHottie after what Bobbie Jo must have said about him, but she’d get over it.

  While we were waiting, we were discussing a few ideas. I had to update the house, also known as Operation “No More Noah,” when there was a soft tap on the door.

  A tall and slender woman with dark brown, almost black, hair and sparkling blue eyes walked in. “Good afternoon, Victoria. I’m Dr. McGuire. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said with the most beautiful smile. She was stunning and married. The ring on her left finger probably cost more than my Mercedes SUV.

  “And you are?” she said as she turned toward Jen with her hand outstretched.

  “I’m Jen, one of her friends. She asked me to come back with her; I hope that isn’t a problem.”

  “No, it’s nice to see friends supporting each other.” She sat down on the stool in the corner. “Dr. Forrester filled me in on your case, and I just want to review a few things with you before we start.”

  “Sure. I’m fine with that,” I answered, wondering why we were reviewing my chart because as far as I knew, I would only be seeing her today and then go back to him.

  She did the cliffs-notes review of my chart, from surgery through my last fill. She asked how I was doing physically with chemo and if I had any concerns with the plan Dr. Forrester had laid out. I didn’t have any questions, and honestly, now that Noah wasn’t a factor, I felt more at ease with everything. It didn’t feel like a race to get it done for anyone but myself.

  During the insta-boob procedure, as Bobbie Jo had named it, Jen was laughing. “That was quite possibly every small-chested woman’s dream. To have your boobs grow in a matter of minutes. And by every small-chested woman . . . I mean me.”

  Dr. McGuire started laughing too. “Well, if you ever want something done, I’m sure between myself and Dr. Forrester, we could make it happen, but sadly, it won’t be as easy as an injection.” She stepped back and nodded to me. “Go ahead and sit up, Victoria.”

  I sat up slowly and admired my chest. To be truthful, my chest actually looked like a male body builders’ pectoral muscles: hard, round, and up too high. Frankly, they weren’t very attractive, but they belonged to me, and I was proud of them . . . for now.

  “How are you feeling?” Dr. McGuire asked after she washed up. “Any dizziness or lightheaded feelings?”

  “Not this time. I learned my lesson.”

  “Well, I’m impressed! Not many women can handle one hundred cc’s at a time. It’s very rare.”

  “I just want to get it done, and if I can handle the discomfort, I might as well,” I admitted. “So should I go ahead and schedule my next appointment for two weeks out with Dr. Forrester?”

  “Yes, stay on the same schedule if you can handle it with chemo. You’re doing great. It was a pleasure working with you, and I hope to see you again.” She shook both my hand and Jen’s before leaving.

  Jen went out to the waiting room while I stopped by the scheduling desk to make my next appointment.

  “I’m sorry, but Dr. Forrester doesn’t have anything available that day. I can get you in with Dr. McGuire again if that would work? She has a few late afternoon openings.”

  “Does Dr. Forrester have anything available the day before by chance?”

  She checked and the answer was the same. “Nothing available that day either.”

  “Thanks for checking.” I sighed. “I’ll go ahead and book the Friday appointment with Dr. McGuire in two weeks.”

  I was disappointed with not being able to schedule with Dr. Forrester. Everything in my life was changing, and I worried that I had done something wrong. He probably didn’t want to make me uncomfortable by telling me he couldn’t see me as a patient anymore, so he just casually moved me over to Dr. McGuire.

  I sulked as I walked out to the waiting room.

  “Turn that frown upside-down, cupcake. What happened?”

  “Nothing,” I said as the elevator doors shut. We rode down in silence, and it continued until we got into the confines of the car.

  “What happened back there? You were fine when we walked out of the treatment room, and when you returned from scheduling your next appointment, you looked as though your puppy died. Spill it!”

  “I wasn’t able to schedule my next appointment with Dr. Forrester; he was booked both Thursday and Friday.” I looked out the window and continued, “I feel like I overstepped doctor-patient boundaries, and he doesn’t want to make me feel bad by telling me he can’t be my doctor anymore.”

  “That is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard. This isn’t high school. He’s a highly sought after and successful plastic surgeon and his schedule was full. It’s not because of you. You don’t honestly think that . . . do you?”

  I looked over at Jen, feeling like a pathetic mess. “Just take me home, please.”

  She didn’t say another word and started driving toward home.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I AM INVINCIBLE

  A week later, I was preparing for my next chemo session and the introduction of a new regimen of drugs. I was told these appointments would be longer, but the side effects were much easier to contend with. It was a compromise.

  The best news of all was that I would be able to discontinue the shot the day after chemo, which was a royal pain . . . everywhere! I was officially halfway through treatment, and I had to believe that things would start looking up again. They had to.

  Dana was in town and volunteered to go with me today for my treatment. She hadn’t had the privilege of going with me yet and seemed a bit nervous. I knew this was outside of her comfort zone, so it meant the world to me that she was making the effort.

  We got settled into the treatment room, and I opted for the bed today so Dana could have the comfy imposter recliner for our few hour stay. Once the drip was started, we broke into the snacks.

  “So, how are things going?” Dana asked before shoving a handful of Old Dutch puff corn in her mouth.

  “Each day is getting better. I can’t complain.” Well, I could, but I was tired of always whining. It was wearing me down.

  “I’ve been getting bits and pieces from the girls while I’ve been traveling. Have you spoken to Noah again?”

  Just the sound of his name made my skin crawl. “No. I haven’t
seen or spoken with him, and I don’t plan to. My dad’s attorney is looking over the divorce papers Noah had written up. He thinks it’s actually a very good settlement and is suggesting that I accept it. He was rather astounded by what Noah was offering. I attribute it to guilt.”

  “Guilt?” she questioned before shoving a pita chip in her mouth.

  “Yes, we all agree that Noah feels guilty about leaving me in my ‘current condition,’ and that this is his way of making it okay . . . in his mind anyway. It’s completely fucked up, if you ask me.”

  I still couldn’t believe this was my life. My marriage was a sham for the last year, especially the last several months. While I was busy climbing my way out of hell after each round of chemo, he was busy earning a first-class ticket to a VIP table there.

  “Completely. So you’re done?”

  “I am. He wasn’t willing to fight for us, so why should I bother? I’m hurt and I feel abandoned. If he doesn’t love me anymore—and he doesn’t—I’m not going to force him to try to work it out because he will only end up hating me more.” I took a sip of my Gatorade. “What disturbs me is how easily I have accepted it. I was so angry when we talked, but the last few weeks haven’t been that bad. He was always working, and when he was around, we were either having sex or he was in the study working. Is it wrong that I’m not fighting to save my marriage after so many years?”

  “Yes and no. You were so wrapped up in Noah’s world—he was your everything. I don’t think you were ever his, and that’s the difference. Subconsciously, I think you knew his career came first and you were second to that. However, I don’t think you ever imagined that you were third behind another woman.”

  She stood up and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed with me. “Is this okay?” she asked, seeming concerned about being on the bed next to me.

  “Totally okay.” I moved over and patted the spot beside me so she could recline next to me.

  “I know you loved him, Victoria, I truly do. But I feel that it was a premature love and that he wasn’t the ‘forever’ man for you. I think deep down you felt it too.”

  “Hmm,” I said as I considered what she said. I never really stopped to look at it like that. She was right. My love for Noah was young love, and we were both wrapped up in each other and getting through school. When it came time to grow up and be adults, we started to drift apart and go our separate ways. We were like roommates with benefits, as Noah had said. She was right. How did I not see this?

  “My ‘forever’ man, huh? The sex was great. We got along well. We had fun, but we never really talked about a future. Our life was always scheduled and businesslike after college. I just can’t believe that he actually cheated on me. That’s what hurts the most. It’s not the loss of him . . . it’s how I lost him, and to that bitch. That hurts.”

  I continued, “In the beginning, our marriage was about paying the bills, studying, and going out on the rare occasion we could afford it. But after his success, everything changed, and we only really went out for business dinners and when we traveled together. How did my marriage turn into a business arrangement?”

  “It just did. I don’t think anyone plans for it. I only wish it wouldn’t have come crashing down like it did and when it did. I’m shocked at how cruel he was to you. Does that man have no empathy?” she asked in disgust.

  “His job has hardened him over the years, and I’d like to say I was surprised with how he handled it, but looking back on it, honestly, I’m not. The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree; he’s just like his parents. Cold-hearted.” I shook my head remembering their comment when we told them we were getting married. “Do you know his parents sent us a note after we got married that said we were irresponsible and would regret our decision?”

  “You’re kidding me!”

  “Nope, and surprisingly, they were right.” I actually smirked at this because I’d despised them for saying it at the time. “I’m sure they won’t be smiling when they meet Stacey either.”

  Dana let out a laugh and offered me a monster brownie loaded with caramel and dark chocolate chunks.

  I took a huge bite just as Dana added, “They’re in for a ride with her and her broomstick. Payback is a bitch.”

  *

  I woke the next morning to a commotion downstairs. Looking at the clock, I saw it was already eleven, so I pulled myself up and out of bed to investigate what was going on.

  As soon as my feet hit the floor, all was quiet. It was almost like the devil was thinking, Oh shit, she’s up, and ran for cover.

  “Hello?” I called out when I opened my bedroom door.

  There was no answer, so I proceeded down the stairs slowly. While this chemo treatment didn’t hit me as hard, I was still wiped out, but felt like I could function. Bonus.

  As I made it to the bottom step, the smell of coconut and tangerine hit my senses and woke me up. The smell of the tropics was always a favorite.

  I walked into the kitchen and noticed a plate of fresh tropical fruits, croissants, and several types of juices in crystal decanters, with a note sitting on the breakfast bar.

  Good morning Victoria,

  Please sit down and enjoy your breakfast. We have a relaxing day in store for you, and you don’t even have to leave the house. We are bringing the tropics to you.

  XO Dana, Jen, and Bobbie Jo

  Just then, I heard the sounds of waves fill the speakers in the house. It was a soothing sound on its own, and then the soft sound of steel drums started to echo throughout the house.

  I grabbed a croissant, some mango slices, and a glass of pineapple juice before sitting down at the kitchen table. A silver bucket of bright colored gerbera daisies sat in the middle. I ate in silence, enjoying the peace, but I had a sneaking notion that I wasn’t alone.

  I finished my breakfast and heard a soft and unfamiliar female voice call my name from the foyer.

  When I turned the corner, there was a petite young woman dressed in black yoga pants and a soft green polo-style shirt. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she had a friendly smile.

  “Good morning, Victoria. My name is Kim, and I’m here to give you a massage. I’m set up in the study and would like to begin your ninety-minute massage as soon as you’re ready. You have a few other appointments scheduled today.”

  I’m sure the surprised look on my face was pretty damn funny alongside my appearance. Here I stood in the foyer wearing a pair of Caribbean blue plaid boxers and a pink T-shirt, and I was as bald as the day I was born, not to mention my mouth was hanging open.

  The girls had arranged for a spa day in my house the day after chemo. My emotions started to bubble to the surface as I thought about how thoughtful they were and how much I needed this.

  “Thank you,” I sniffled as I smiled at Kim. “Let me step into the bathroom first, and then I’ll be in.”

  She nodded with a smile. “Take your time,” she said and disappeared back down the hallway.

  When I arrived a few minutes later, the study was warm and the muted natural light streaming through the window was perfect. I noticed the massage table set up off to the side and more soft music playing.

  “Come in,” Kim said as she pulled back the top blanket on the table. “I’m going to step out so you can change. Undress as much as you’re comfortable with and lie down on the table, face up.” I nodded, and she stepped out of the room.

  The massage table was heated, and I melted into it the moment I laid down.

  Kim’s hands felt magical as she massaged out every ounce of stress that was knotted throughout my body. I had finally let my body relax for the first time in months, but as she neared the point where I would need to roll over, I got nervous. The thought of lying on my front worried me, since I hadn’t laid on it since before surgery.

  “Let me help you roll over. I have a few bolsters that I will place under your shoulders and tummy that will help keep the pressure off your chest.”

  Relief washed ove
r me as she got me situated. The bolsters made all the difference, and the next forty-five minutes passed by far too fast. I was beyond relaxed and was sure it would take a crane to get me off of the table.

  “Take your time getting up. It was a pleasure to work with you. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.” And with that, she disappeared.

  A short time later, I peeled my body from the table and threw on my boxers and T-shirt. When I stepped out of the room, I found a path of hot pink and white rose petals leading upstairs. Strange.

  The path led me through my bedroom and into the candlelit bathroom, where a warm bubble bath was waiting. I quickly tossed my clothes on the floor and sunk in. Once the water turned cool, I reached for a towel and heard a knock at the door.

  “Yes?” I called out.

  Dana poked her head in. “Hello, sweetheart. How are you feeling?”

  “Like a limp noodle, thank you.”

  “You bet. I’ve laid out some pajamas for you to put on when you’re ready. The girls and I will be downstairs waiting. Take your time.” She gave me a wink before leaving the bathroom.

  Lying on my bed was a hot pink Victoria’s Secret pajama set and a pair of soft pink sandal slippers that were beaded and had a pink ribbon across the top. I smiled to myself. The name was correct, but I didn’t have any secrets. Not anymore.

  I arrived downstairs to Dana, Jen, and Bobbie Jo all in the same pajama set, just different colors.

  “There she is, looking relaxed and as beautiful as ever,” Bobbie Jo said as she walked over to me with a tropical drink. “Don’t worry. It’s a mango smoothie, no alcohol. We wouldn’t want to mess with your already drugged-up body by getting you drunk too.”

  Dana and Jen were both sitting on the floor of the living room. It was covered in blankets and pillows with a low table set in the middle with seashells, tropical flowers, and white sand. They brought paradise to me, and I didn’t even have to leave my house. It was just what the doctor ordered.