Beneath, You're Beautiful Page 19

  I’m pretty sure you didn’t eat last night, so enjoy these extra calories this morning.

  Blake xo

  It was a delight to see a fresh chocolate croissant from my favorite French bakery inside. I pulled a plate out of the cupboard and decided to grab a glass of milk to have with my breakfast. The mocha would be too much while eating the croissant; it would have to wait until I was done with my chocolate overload.

  Upon opening the fridge, there was a bowl of freshly cut tropical fruit including mango, pineapple, and kiwi.

  You can’t be completely unhealthy today. Enjoy!

  Blake xo

  His simple thoughtfulness warmed my heart and was just what I needed to start the day on a positive note. Yesterday had been a rough one with seeing Jillian. My emotions were all over the board, and it was exhausting. I needed to center myself and find the goodness in life today.

  I was sitting at the island, enjoying my breakfast, when the doorbell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone, but I slid off the stool to answer it.

  Dana was standing there with a smile on her face and a bouquet of Gerbera daisies in her hand. “I thought you could use a smile this morning, so I wanted to stop over and bring you these.” She handed them to me.

  “Come in.” I took the bouquet from her. “I thought you were still in L.A.”

  “I got home last night, and Jen filled me in on all I’ve missed. You’ve had a rough few days.”

  “That I have, but nothing compared to what Bobbie Jo is going through. Want to go visit Jillian with me later?”

  “Sure. I’d love to.”

  Dana took a seat at the island while I put the flowers in a vase. “So, what’s new in the jet-setting life of Dana?”

  “Nothing really. Arrogant people who expect you to do everything but wipe their asses for them. It’s not always a glamorous life, but it’s mine, and I love it.”

  “Any love connections lately?”

  “Nope. No time for the bullshit, and honestly, I’m too picky. I’m good with the friends with benefits thing right now.”

  “You have friends with benefits? You’ve been holding out on me,” I chided as I sat down next to her and took another bite of my croissant. “Sorry, Blake brought me breakfast, and I’m not sharing this, but you can have some fruit if you’d like.”

  “If you say so.” She stole my fork and stabbed a slice of mango. “This looks so damn good. You must have one amazing guardian angel watching over you.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because there are not very many men in this world that would be as thoughtful as Blake is. His momma raised him right.”

  “That she did. She was pretty amazing from what he tells me.” I popped a mango in my mouth and hummed in delight.

  Dana and I chatted the morning away and before we knew it, it was almost noon, and I still needed to shower. Dana offered to clean up the kitchen while I showered, and I wasn’t about to turn that down. I found one more note from Blake when I reached for my towel to hang on the bar outside the shower.

  Make it a beautiful day. I’ll see you later.

  Blake xo

  Today was going to be a beautiful day, no doubt about it. While showering, my mind traveled to Jillian and her words from yesterday about making peace. I had tried to block anything that had to do with Noah out of my mind and maybe that wasn’t the answer. Maybe I needed to find forgiveness within to be able to move on. Forgiveness and forgetting have two separate meanings.

  To forget was to stop thinking about someone or something. But to forgive meant to stop feeling anger toward someone or something. I had tried to stop thinking about Noah, but what I really needed to do was to stop feeling. If I was able to forgive him in my mind, would it release the anger I felt for what he had done? The only way to find out would be to try, but was I ready to do that? I needed more time to think.

  I turned off the shower and reached for my towel to dry off. I had just pulled on my panties and cami when there was a tap on the door. “Victoria, I need to talk to you,” Dana quietly sobbed through the door, and my stomach dropped. I didn’t want to answer her because something inside already told me that I already knew what she needed to say.

  Clearing my throat, I called out to her. “Give me a minute, I’ll be right out.”

  “Okay,” I heard her respond before retreating from the door.

  A wave of nausea hit me like a tsunami, and I could feel my throat tightening. I wasn’t prepared to hear the words “you have breast cancer,” but I was in no way ready to hear the words that were waiting for me on the other side of the door.

  I took a little bit longer putting on my body lotion but skipped putting on makeup. What was the point? It would be gone shortly anyhow. After one last look in the mirror, I opened the door to find a mascara-streaked Dana sitting on the edge of my bed.

  “I’m sorry, Victoria, but Jillian’s gone,” Dana cried, and I crumbled to my knees on the floor and wept.

  Jillian was gone. Her bright spirit had left, and we were left with an emptiness that couldn’t be filled. Dana joined me on the floor, and we comforted each other until we couldn’t sit on the floor any longer. I stood and held my hand out to Dana to help her up. “Did Bobbie Jo call you?”

  “Yes. She called your phone first and then mine immediately after. Jillian passed away in her sleep early this morning, surrounded by Bobbie Jo and her parents. They’re going to the funeral home now to finish up any final arrangements. Since Jillian had already made most of them, it shouldn’t take long. I called Jen, but she already knew. She’s wrapping up a few things at the office and then coming over. Bobbie Jo will be coming later too. I figured it was best for us to gather here. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Definitely.” I dug through my dresser for a T-shirt and comfy pants. “Where are Bobbie Jo’s parents going? Do they want to come over too?”

  “No. Bobbie Jo said they were going to meet with the pastor and some of their friends afterward, and Bobbie Jo didn’t want to go with them. She could really use our smiles today and not pretend to be okay in front of her parent’s friends.”

  “I don’t blame her. When’s the funeral?”

  “In three days. The sooner the better, her parents felt. I think Bobbie Jo is feeling overwhelmed with them here, making all the decisions without her input. She needs our support right now, more than ever. Her divorce was a walk in the park compared to this.”

  “It’s not going to be easy, but we’ll get her through. Do you mind running to the store to pick up some snacks, like cheese and crackers or something? I’m going to straighten up a bit and order flowers to be delivered to the funeral home from the three of us.”

  “Sure thing. Anything else you can think of while I’m out?”

  “Not really, but I’ll text you if I do.” I pulled my shirt on over my head.

  As soon as Dana left, I called Blake, but he was in with a patient, so I left a message for him to call me when he had a free moment. I pulled out the vacuum and started in the living room, working my way down the hall to the office and dining room. My phone rang as I was sweeping the hardwood in the kitchen and I answered immediately without looking.

  “Hello?”

  Blake cleared his throat. “Hi, sunshine. What’s going on? Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m not okay. Jillian passed away early this morning. Dana was here when we found out. Jen’s on her way over, and Bobbie Jo will be here after she’s done at the funeral home with her parents. I really wish I could see you. I feel like I’m falling apart.”

  “I’m so sorry, love. I wish I could be there to comfort you, but your friends need you right now, and believe it or not, you need them just as much. I have a full day of patients, but I’ll be over later tonight after they leave. When is the funeral?”

  “On Thursday.”

  “I’ll have Elizabeth clear my schedule so I can be there with you.”

  “I’d really like that.” I paused a moment before lett
ing my heart speak for me. “I love you, Blake.” I felt my nerves skyrocket as the words left my lips. There was no hiding my true feelings for him anymore. Carpe diem—seize the day.

  “I love you too, Sunshine.” I could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll see you later. Hang in there, it’ll be okay. I’ve got to run—bye.”

  *

  Bobbie Jo arrived at my house just after four o’clock looking like a zombie. I instantly pulled her in my arms and held her tight. She didn’t cry; I don’t think she had any tears left to shed. “What do you need?” I asked her.

  “A fucking punch card for a wine shop. Not only did I lose my sister today, I’m having to deal with the drama of my mom and my dad ignoring me so he can keep my mom appeased. I can’t take it. Jillian was my buffer, and now she’s gone.”

  Jen hollered from the kitchen. “I can’t help you with a punch card at this moment, but I’m sure we can find a bottle of wine around here somewhere.”

  I looped my arm through Bobbie Jo’s and pulled her into the kitchen. Dana was waiting with a stool pulled out for her at the island, which was covered in an assortment of sweet and salty snacks.

  “Here we go.” Jen pulled out a bottle of wine. “I hope you’re in the mood for a sweet red, because that’s all I can find. Victoria, you really need to restock your wine supply . . . actually, your entire liquor cabinet needs some help.”

  “I’ll get right on that.” I flicked her arm while reaching for a wine glass.

  Dana sat down next to Bobbie Jo. “How are you doing—truthfully?”

  Bobbie Jo laughed. “The truth is, I have no fucking clue.”

  “At least you’re honest,” Jen acknowledged. “Most people put on the whole ‘I’m fine’ act, and we all know its complete bullshit.” She slid a glass of wine to Bobbie Jo. “Cheers to having no fucking clue.”

  “Cheers . . .” We all lifted our drinks.

  I set my glass down and moved a few of the plates of food toward Bobbie Jo. “Eat up, because I know you haven’t eaten much lately, and tell us what we can do to help you.”

  “Just being with you helps.” She scooped up some guacamole and tossed a few tortilla chips on her plate. “Jillian took care of everything in regard to her funeral, so there isn’t much left to do there other than getting stuff set out for the visitation. We’re anticipating it’ll be pretty busy with her work colleagues stopping to pay their respects.”

  “What time do you need us?” Jen asked.

  “The visitation is at the funeral home on Wednesday night from four to seven, with the funeral on Thursday at her church by Lake Harriet.”

  “We’ll be there at three to help you set up. Also, everyone is welcome to come back here after the visitation—your parents included if they want. But that’s your call,” I added.

  “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  “Where’s the burial going to be?” Dana asked.

  “She’s being cremated and requested that we spread her ashes in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, where we spent summers at our grandparents’ cabin. She traveled all over the world for her job and actually had an urn that she bought in Abu Dhabi. It’s beautiful, and she asked to have her ashes kept in there until we’re able to get down to the family cabin.”

  “That’s so Jillian. She was a free spirit, letting the wind take her wherever she was meant to go. How fitting.” I smiled.

  “She was a free spirit, but she had a lot of fun.” Bobbie Jo giggled. “If you only knew half the things she got away with, you’d be shocked. There’s no doubt she led an interesting and adventurous life.”

  Jen topped off Bobbie Jo’s wine glass. “We’ve got time, and we’d love to hear a few Jillian stories.”

  Bobbie Jo proceeded to tell us a few stories about Jillian and how she was always jealous of her older sister. She did what she wanted to do and experienced things that some people only dream of. We also learned that Bobbie Jo’s craziness was genetic. Despite how Jillian acted around us, she had a wild side that she kept tucked in around us. It was great to laugh and listen to Bobbie Jo’s stories; it helped us all to celebrate Jillian’s extraordinary life.

  “I should probably get home.” Bobbie Jo stretched her arms out. “I’m shot and need my bed.”

  “Let me give you a ride home,” Dana offered, as she slid off the stool. “We’ll figure out your car tomorrow.”

  “Are you sure?” Bobbie Jo asked, looking at me.

  I nodded my head. “Yes. Get home and get some sleep. We’ll take care of the car. The next few days are going to be busy.”

  Jen stayed to help me clean up the kitchen, and I called Blake to let him know everyone but Jen had left. He said he’d be over shortly.

  Jen was reaching for the handle of the front door when it opened, causing her to jump back in surprise. “What the—?!” she gasped.

  “Oh, hey, Jen. Sorry to startle you,” Blake apologized after realizing what had just happened.

  “You scared the shit out of me, and that doesn’t happen often. Consider yourself one of the lucky few.” She laughed before waving farewell.

  Blake closed the door, and I flew into his arms. I needed the comfort of his strong arms right now, and he understood. He held me close and rubbed my back while I quietly wept.

  “Thank you for coming over,” I sniffled. “You were right, I needed time with my friends, but I also needed time with you. Your arms are my safety net.”

  “I promised to catch you, and I meant it.” He lifted me into his arms and carried me into the living room. He sat in one of the overstuffed chairs, keeping me on his lap, as my legs dangled off the side and I rested my head on his shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

  “Not really. I’m still processing everything, and I kind of feel numb at this point.”

  “That sounds about right.” He kissed my forehead. “That’s how I felt when my mom passed. You speed through the details and are left to deal with your emotions after it’s all said and done. I was told it’s like planning a wedding in a fraction of the time.”

  “Thankfully for Bobbie Jo, Jillian planned most of the details before she passed. Her parents wanted to change a few things, but Bobbie Jo refused to let them. Jillian was very specific about what she wanted, and Bobbie Jo was going to make sure her final wishes were upheld.”

  “I’m sure that wasn’t easy to do.”

  “No, it wasn’t. She was pretty wiped out when she arrived. Dana brought her home—I need to get her car to her in the morning.”

  “We’ll drive it over in the morning and pick up breakfast on our way home.” Blake suggested.

  “Don’t you have patients in the morning?”

  “I cleared my schedule for the next few days. Dr. McGuire and another colleague are absorbing my caseload.”

  “That was kind of them.”

  “I’d do the same for them. It’s what friends—and business partners—do. Now, you must be tired. It’s been an emotional day.”

  A yawn escaped my mouth. “Yeah, I’m pretty spent.”

  “Let’s get you up to bed then.” He stood up with me still in his arms.

  “I can walk. You don’t need to carry me.” I wiggled.

  “If you stopped wiggling, it would be easier.” He winked at me.

  Once upstairs, he set me down at the threshold to my bedroom, and I looked up at him with a confused look. “Why’d you put me down here? I’d like it if you’d stay the night with me—I kind of hoped you would. It’s no secret how I feel about you, and I’m committed to making us work—all of us.”

  “I didn’t want to assume—”

  I cut him off with a kiss and pulled him with me into the bedroom. When my legs hit the edge of the bed, I peeled my lips away from his. “You’re always welcome to stay with me.”

  “I’m happy to hear that.” He kissed me once more. “It’s time for sleep, so don’t go getting any ideas. That’s not on tonight’s agenda.”

  “How about some innocent c
uddling?” I batted my eyes up at him.

  With humor dancing in his eyes, he replied, “I’m always open to innocent cuddling.”

  I began stripping off my clothes and caught Blake watching me. “Well, come on. I need some cuddling, and if you think you’re climbing in bed fully dressed, you’re sadly mistaken.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He smirked as he pulled off his shirt, showing me his glorious body and that amazing tattoo.

  to love is to risk not being loved in return

  to hope is to risk pain

  to try is to risk failure

  but risk must be taken because the

  greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing

  We were both taking a risk with each other, but neither of us feared for what the future held; it would be written by us together.

  Chapter Sixteen

  I AM ONE-OF-A-KIND

  Jillian’s memorial service was a beautiful celebration of her life, and what made it more special is that she had planned it all. Everything down to the flowers and desserts had Jillian written all over it. The luncheon in the church afterward was bustling with friends and family. Bobbie Jo and Jillian’s parents had left with extended family, and Bobbie Jo and I were the last two people remaining in the fellowship hall.

  We were sitting at one of the tables when the pastor approached. “Jillian had one last remaining wish for today.” He pulled two envelopes from his binder. “She left a letter for each of you and asked me to deliver them after everyone had left—she knew you’d be the last to leave.” He handed an envelope to each of us. “Jillian was an inspirational woman, and in the short time that I knew her, I watched her transform, just like ‘The Dragonfly Story.’”

  We both looked at him in confusion. “What’s ‘The Dragonfly Story’?” Bobbie Jo asked.

  “Look it up when you get home. It’s a beautiful story that will bring you comfort when you need it most. Jillian had a heart of gold, and I was honored to know her and be part of her service today. You both played an important role in her life toward the end, and she wanted you to know how much she loved you.” He started to get choked up, which made him human. “Feel free to stay as long as you’d like.”