Beneath It All (Beneath #1) Read online

“Shut it, Victoria. I’m on my way.” Click.

  Well, shit. That didn’t go how I planned. Actually, my mistake was not planning the conversation at all. I let my emotions take over and my mouth started running out of control.

  “What the hell?” I said out loud to myself.

  I managed to make it home in good time and ran upstairs to change into something more comfortable. There was a knock on the door as I started sorting through the mail.

  “Why do you always knock?” I asked as I opened the door. “You know I leave the door unlocked when I’m expecting you.”

  “Because my mom taught me manners,” she said as she gave me a quick peck on the cheek before bee-lining toward the kitchen. She set down an assortment of FunkyChunky containers, shrugged her coat off, and tossed it over the back of one of the breakfast bar stools and sat down.

  I grabbed the container of ooey-gooey chocolate-drizzled caramel corn and pretzels and sat down next to her. “I didn’t mean to sound so desperate when I called. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  “I know. It’s okay to be scared and ask for help when you don’t know what you’re asking for. Part of being a friend is anticipating your needs when you don’t know what they are. You can count on me to be there for you and Noah. You both have my number and I’ll be ‘on call’ this weekend for anything you need. I’m a phone call and a fifteen-minute drive away.”

  She grabbed my hand and squeezed tight. “I love you to pieces, and I know our friendship is based on sarcasm, humor, and shenanigans, but right now we need to focus on keeping you and Noah sane. Come hell or high water, I’ll be here for you, and you can count on that.”

  “I love you,” I said, lightly bumping into her shoulder and smiling.

  “Love you too. Now enough of this sappy crap—are you going to share that shit with me or not?”

  *

  I was curled up on the sofa in a lightweight sweater dress when Noah arrived home with two grocery bags just before seven o’clock. He looked rather frazzled.

  “Hey, sorry I’m late,” he said has he kissed my cheek and went to set the bags on the counter. “My afternoon got out of hand, and by the time I called to order dinner, it would have taken an extra half hour, so I decided to stop at the store and make you dinner instead. I hope you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all . . . a home-cooked meal actually sounds better. What are we having?” I asked as I peeked into one of the grocery bags and started pulling things out. Romaine lettuce, several varieties of fresh vegetables, French bread, baby red potatoes, and a package of filet mignon beef. “Good choice.”

  “I’m glad you agree,” he said as he slipped off his suit coat. “I’m going to head upstairs to change and then start the grill. Do you mind washing the romaine and veggies?”

  There was a pause.

  “Earth to Victoria. Are you there?”

  “Huh? What? Oh sorry. I guess I drifted off.” I turned toward him with a few veggies in hand and gestured to them. “This reminds me of when you made partner. Do you remember that night?”

  “Yes, I remember it well.” He smiled. “I called to tell you the good news and tried to get a reservation at Kincaid’s but couldn’t on such short notice. You ran to the store and splurged on the best cut of beef you could get, and we made our own five-star dinner and enjoyed it on the floor drinking wine,” he said with a wistful look on his face, as if remembering the happy times that seemed to have disappeared from our life recently.

  I stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around his waist. “I miss the simplicity of life back when we didn’t have so much pressure. Granted, we would scramble to pay bills, but we always found creative ways to have fun.”

  “That we did.” He placed a kiss on my lips before stepping back. “Let me go change. We’ll have dinner, and then I think we should enjoy dessert in bed. You have two options: ‘Better than Sex’ chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream . . . or sex.”

  “I choose option three: sex with cake. I think that might be my new favorite dessert . . . and hold the vanilla,” I said with a wink. “I’m not in the mood for vanilla tonight.”

  Noah’s eyes instantly blazed fire, and I could see a twitch in his pants. “You. Are. Evil,” he said matter-of-factly. “How do you expect me to cook and sit through dinner now?”

  “I expect you to just be you. You know—a gentleman in the streets and a freak between the sheets.”

  He shook his head at me. “Evil, I say . . . pure evil. Start prepping dinner; I need a cold shower and then I’ll be back down to start the grill.”

  He gave my ass a good slap before disappearing upstairs to change and well . . . I would guess relieve the “issue” I caused in his pants.

  I poured myself a glass of wine and started prepping dinner. It was too quiet and my mind started racing about tomorrow. Scrolling through my playlist, I landed on “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. Before long, I was singing at the top of my lungs between sips of wine, and damn, it felt good. Then the music changed.

  Noah was back and had on a pair of sleep pants and a white T-shirt. God, he looked incredible with his wet hair and lazy look. As much as I loved his suits, I loved his relaxed look even more because it was so rare. Ukulele strums started playing and the smooth voice of Chris Rene started singing “Trouble.” The beat quickly picked up, and I think it was fair to say it was a subtle hint.

  “Are you suggesting that I’m trouble?” I asked innocently, swaying my hips to the music.

  “It’s not a suggestion—it’s a fact. While the shower helped, it did not solve the problem that you created,” he whispered against my neck. “But right now I’m hungry, and it would be wise for you to eat a good dinner; you’ll be burning a lot of calories tonight.”

  “Promises. Promises,” I teased back since I was feeling that first glass of wine already. Since I hadn’t been drinking the last few weeks, my tolerance was slipping.

  Tonight, I was going to be the unknowing gazelle dancing its way into the lion’s den looking like his last feast. Which was pretty much true. Who was going to want have any kind of a physical relationship with a bald and boobless woman? Nobody. Tonight was going to be memorable.

  Dinner was beyond amazing. Noah had set the dining room table with candles and a bouquet of fresh flowers I hadn’t seen, but then again, I only looked in one of the grocery bags. The lights were dim and The Piano Guys played in the background. He served our dinner using our wedding china and pulled out all the stops to make this a romantic night to forget the madness swirling around us. It was perfection.

  Noah cleared the table, and I started washing the dishes by hand. It felt good to be able to do daily chores again such as dishes and dusting. Yeah, I said that. It felt good to do chores. I left the heavy stuff for Noah since I still had a post-surgical weight restriction on lifting. We worked well together, and I was starting to feel a bit more like I was doing my share around the house.

  Noah reached around me to grab a towel and started to dry the dishes. He would casually brush up against my hip or his hand lightly grazed against my side when he would move to put them away. While it felt innocent, I knew it was anything but.

  As stuffed as I was, I wasn’t going to let the fat feeling I had from dinner get in the way of what Noah had planned for dessert. I was going to let my libido and heart run the night, not my brain. It was time to shut that shit off!

  Once the kitchen was clean, Noah steered me into the living room where a fire was flickering. He lay back on the sofa and I quickly found my spot, lying carefully on top of him and listening to the calming sound of his heartbeat.

  I sighed deeply and closed my eyes as his thumb gently glided across the small of my back. We were both content lying together; the only sound other than the beating of our hearts was the crackle of the fire roaring to life.

  I soon realized it wasn’t the only thing roaring to life as I felt Noah growing hard between us and his heartbeat became more pronounced. He kissed the
top of my head, and I lifted my face up to look at him. His eyes were dark and all consuming. They swallowed me up and there was no escape. To be honest, I didn’t want to.

  With his help, I slowly slid back up his body, and he assaulted my mouth with a force I had never experienced. His tongue was demanding and his mouth took what it wanted.

  He was careful as he rolled us so that I was now on my back and he was hovering over me. I couldn’t explain the look in his eyes. They were full of lust, passion, and something I couldn’t put my finger on. But whatever was driving him was making me wet and he knew it.

  His mouth crashed back against mine as I lifted my hips to try and find the friction I was craving, but I couldn’t find it. He broke the kiss, stood up from the sofa, and walked away without a word. What the hell?

  “Noah, did I do something wrong?” I called out after him as I sat up, utterly confused.

  No answer.

  “Noah?” I called out a little louder as I stood up and moved out of the living room to find him. I walked by one of the bathrooms on my way to the kitchen, but he wasn’t in there, and when I made it to the kitchen, I found an envelope propped up on the counter with my name on it.

  I slowly lifted it and felt my heart pounding in my chest as I slipped my finger under the seal to open it. I pulled out a cream-colored notecard.

  Victoria,

  You’re in trouble.

  Noah

  A heavy beat suddenly filled my ears, and a woman’s deep scratchy voice started singing, “Baby did a bad, bad thing.” I turned to follow the music. It led me upstairs, and I saw a soft flickering light coming from our cracked bedroom door.

  I slowly opened the door and found candles lit all around our room. Our bed was stripped of everything but the fitted sheet, and a chocolate cake sat on it, waiting to be devoured. It wasn’t the only thing that would be devoured tonight.

  A strong arm wrapped around me from behind, and I felt a hard erection grind against my ass. It was perfectly cradled between my cheeks; the only barrier was my dress and panties. Noah was naked.

  The heat of his breath against my neck attacked me next, and he started kissing a trail up to my ear, finally sucking and biting on the lobe. My knees began to go weak as the music changed to a hypnotic mind-game song.

  Welcome to the lion’s den, I thought to myself. There was no escape.

  Noah nudged me forward toward the bed. Once we were at the foot of it, he reached for the hem of my dress and carefully lifted it up and off my body before tossing it to the floor. Soft kisses worked their way down my spine and then disappeared.

  I was then assaulted with the wetness of his tongue as it ran a line across the small of my back along my panty line. His fingers ran up the outside of my legs and I heard the rip of my panties, which were now massacred as they fell to the floor. His tongue continued its journey as it ran down the crease of my ass and then kissed over to my right cheek, which he bit softly.

  I heard a moan escape, but wasn’t sure if it was from him or me.

  He stood quickly and rubbed his length along the wet trail he had left on my ass. I was ready to explode from the foreplay alone, and we were just getting started. He reached around me and ran a finger through the chocolate frosting and brought it up to his lips. I could hear him sucking and licking the chocolate off of his finger and tried to calm the orgasm that was building.

  The frosting became his finger paint, and soon my body was covered in chocolate frosting. I was a human feast and Noah was going all in. He licked the chocolate from my neck down my back and ass before he turned me around to lick my belly button.

  I tried not to notice the lack of attention to my deformed chest, but I couldn’t blame him and I wasn’t about to ruin our night. Noah was acting differently. He didn’t speak at all and focused on worshiping me.

  His tongue trailed down and began licking at my chocolate-covered clit. That was all it took. I screamed out his name as my body trembled, and Noah firmed his grip on my legs to keep me standing while he continued his assault. Another orgasm quickly followed, as he made sure not to leave any frosting behind.

  Moving to lay me down on the bed, he leaned over to kiss me and the mixture of chocolate frosting and the glaze of my orgasm consumed my senses. It was intoxicating. He was still standing as he lifted my legs up and over his shoulder. He gripped his length with his right hand and rubbed it through my wet folds. I looked down to see his swollen crown glistening as it slid up against my clit.

  “Fuck,” I whispered as I dropped my head back down to the bed.

  Noah took that exact moment to slam into me hard and fast. He was frantic and each time he slammed into me he let out a pained grunt. It was like he was trying to fuck the cancer out of me. It was a punishing force that pushed me to another orgasm and ultimately pushed him over the edge with a loud shout.

  I felt him twitch as he pumped himself into me and he stayed there until every last drop was out. He pulled out slowly and scooped me up from the bed to carry me into the bathroom.

  He set me down on the cold counter and I let out a yelp. He smiled at me briefly before he turned to start the bath and poured in my favorite coconut bubble bath from the Body Shop. He helped me into the tub before leaving the bathroom.

  When he returned, he climbed in behind me and began to wash me gently with a washcloth. He was uncharacteristically attentive, and I loved every second of it, even though he had yet to say anything.

  After he washed all of the remaining chocolate frosting off of me, we sat in silence, me with my back to his front and his arms wrapped around my tummy.

  He noticed that I was starting to shiver. “Let’s get you out and dried off,” he said as he rose up and out of the tub to wrap a towel around his waist before he grabbed a towel for me. “Come on, sweetheart.”

  I placed my hand in his as he helped me step out onto the soft rug. He dried me off, taking care not to be rough as he ran the towel over my chest. Placing a kiss on my forehead, he stepped away and dried himself off quickly before stepping out again.

  He reappeared a few moments later with my robe. “Put this on and meet me down by the fire when you’re ready.” The bathroom door closed, and he was gone.

  I made my way down to the living room and found him sitting on the sofa, tapping away on his phone. I noticed two new glasses of wine and a frosted chocolate cake placed on the coffee table.

  “You frosted the cake again?”

  He looked up in surprise and put his phone down. “I didn’t hear you come down the stairs.”

  He scooted over and patted the spot next to him. “No, I bought two cakes. I figured we might ruin one and wanted you to be able to enjoy your cake and eat it too.”

  “God, I love you, Noah,” I said as I leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips before making myself comfortable next to him. I picked up the cake and moved it to my lap and dug in with one of the forks that were waiting.

  “Mmm . . . this is amazing,” I muttered with my mouth full of chocolate cake. “However, they failed on the marketing. There is no way this is better than sex with you,” I said before I continued to stuff my face full of cake, making sure to share a few bites with Noah.

  Chapter Eleven

  I AM CAPABLE

  Today was the day—the day I was knowingly allowing someone to flood my veins with poison. It seemed barbaric, but it’s what was recommended, and I wasn’t going to go down without a fight. I was still holding on to the good mood from the amazing night with Noah. Scratch that, “amazing” wasn’t the right word. It was fan-fucking-tabulous!

  I spent the morning soaking in another bubble bath and fielding calls from my parents and friends, all wishing me “good luck.” It felt odd. What the hell did luck have to do with it?

  I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt and considered bringing a jacket. I wasn’t sure if I would be cold during treatment, but I figured dressing in layers would be smart. Dr. Guthrie and I discussed the pros and cons of h
aving a port put in place for my chemotherapy treatments, and to be honest, the whole thing freaked me out.

  The procedure consisted of having a port with a catheter surgically placed just below my collar bone. The catheter would be inserted most likely into my jugular vein, and chemo drugs would be administered using the port, which would also be used for my weekly blood draws. While having a port seemed like the easy and logical way to go, there was a risk of infection, which could potentially delay my treatment plan.

  My philosophy was if I had options available to me, I would do the research and make the best decision for me. I was aware of the risks with having the treatment directly administered through the veins in my arms, but I wasn’t about to undergo another surgical procedure that wasn’t a necessity.

  There would be no port for this girl, and I didn’t care what anyone said. This was my battle to fight. It was my body that would be going through hell, and I wasn’t about to let anyone tell me what to do.

  Thankfully, Dr. Guthrie respected my choice. I’m pretty sure that’s part of the reason why she was named one of the Twin Cities’ premier oncologists. I lucked out in the physician department for sure.

  I heard the door open. “Victoria, I’m home,” Noah called out from downstairs.

  “I’ll be right down—just finishing getting dressed.”

  “I need to change too,” he said as he walked into our bedroom. He had planned to go with me to my first treatment, and I’m sure he didn’t want to sit for hours in the clinic wearing a suit. He stepped out of the walk-in closet wearing a pair of jeans and a sweater. He reached for the tablet on his bedside table.

  “I loaded up a few movies and thought we could watch one,” he said nervously as he walked toward the door and waited for me.

  I had just finished putting on a pair of pearl earrings and looked up at him. “That sounds great, thank you. They also mentioned that I should bring a few snacks and they recommended hard candy to suck on—apparently chemo will cause a metallic taste in my mouth.”

  I moved past Noah, who was standing in the doorway, and made my way down to the kitchen to pack a small bag with a granola bar, some pretzels, and some Jolly Ranchers.